Chapter 30

“W-What did I do?”

He liked being touched again, but as those fingers tightened around his wrist, a profoundly strange feeling washed over him. Gripping his wrist tightly enough to make him feel completely restrained, Nathan locked eyes with Alex.

“Think about it carefully.”

Having finished his piece, Nathan used his other hand to snatch the popcorn bag right out of Alex’s grasp. His wrist was released. The heat he hadn’t even registered due to his nerves flared up wildly the second the hand dropped away. His skin prickled with electricity.

Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of bashfulness, Alex kept rubbing his own wrist. Standing next to Nathan as he popped the popcorn in the microwave, Alex dutifully followed his instruction. He actually thought about what he had done. What did I do? Carried his bag for him? Reaching for high things like just now?

Reaching that point, Alex tried to imagine Nathan doing those exact things for him. After a few seconds of mental visualization, Alex shook his head. It was an event that could simply never occur in reality. Nathan possessed a face that absolutely should not be burdened with lifting heavy objects. He didn’t want to subject him to any sort of hardship whatsoever.

Furthermore, with adulthood right around the corner, the idea of Nathan growing taller than him was practically impossible. He might have dozed off occasionally during science class, but Alex distinctly remembered his teacher stating that this was the period when growth plates typically fused. Nathan’s hypothetical was something that would never, ever happen. That realization filled him with immense satisfaction.

Of course, that was a secret he would absolutely keep from Nathan.

After dumping the freshly popped popcorn into a large bowl, Nathan swung the refrigerator door open. Spotting the cans of beer resting on one of the shelves, Alex’s eyes blew wide open.

“You drink?”

Leaning casually against the open refrigerator door, Nathan offered a faint smile.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Phrased like that, Alex really had no counterargument. Honestly speaking, by the time someone reached Sixth Form age, it was far stranger if they had never drank at a house party. During the balmy summer months, it was incredibly common for students to drink in secluded empty lots or somewhere near the beach.

And if a rumor spread that someone brought weed, everyone would practically stampede the place. Alex had reluctantly tagged along with his soccer teammates a few times, but he had never let a single drop of alcohol touch his lips. He had absolutely zero desire to end up like his father.

“I just didn’t know because I’ve never seen you do it.”

“They’re my mother’s.”

With that explanation, Nathan pulled out a carton of lychee juice. He then held out a carton of chocolate milk to Alex. Huh. His eyes blew wide open once again.

“You don’t really drink this, do you?”

“Yeah. I bought it because you like it.”

It was such an insignificant comment, yet it made his heart swell so intensely he couldn’t even speak. Rubbing his own cheek for no reason, he mumbled quietly.

“Thanks.”

Nathan nodded. Closing the refrigerator door, he grabbed the bowl of popcorn. They settled onto the spacious living room sofa. Flipping through the channels with the remote, Nathan asked for his opinion.

“This one?”

A screen featuring a single red letter against a stark black background popped up. Maintaining his completely expressionless face, Nathan had immediately selected a horror movie. Alex read the synopsis with deadly seriousness.

“If you want to watch it, let’s watch it.”

He tended to get easily scared when Nathan was involved, but Alex fundamentally didn’t fear external threats or getting physically injured. So technically speaking, he neither liked nor disliked horror movies. Hearing his answer, Nathan immediately switched the genre. This time, it was a documentary. The title was something about the birth of the universe. The description alone looked mind-numbingly boring.

“How about this?”

Alex panicked slightly for a moment. He carefully asked Nathan a question.

“Do you watch documentaries often?”

“I put them on when I’m bored.”

“That’s cool.”

However, Alex tended to lose interest in those types of videos incredibly fast. Despite his hesitation, Alex nodded again. If it was boring, he could just secretly study Nathan’s face instead.

“Let’s watch that, then.”

But instead of selecting the documentary, Nathan chose something else entirely. This time, it was a movie featuring a dog. It was a story about an incredibly cute dog continuously reincarnating. Alex distinctly remembered hearing about it.

“This one?”

“Yeah, that looks fun.”

Without realizing it, Alex smiled broadly. Letting out a low chuckle, Nathan selected the movie. Leaving the film playing, Nathan went to turn off the living room lights and returned. He sat down significantly closer than he had earlier when they were sitting slightly apart. Exactly a fingernail’s length closer.

Realizing that, his mouth went a little dry. In a state of extreme nervous tension, Alex carefully pierced his chocolate milk with the straw and downed it in a single, continuous gulp. Seeing that, Nathan asked.

“Is it good?”

“Yeah. Do you want a sip?”

The moment the words left his mouth, Alex internally kicked himself. You idiot, you offered it to him before. Back then, Nathan had coldly, almost ruthlessly rejected him, claiming chocolate was way too sweet for his taste, so there was no way he would…

“Sure.”

Wait, why would things be different now…?

Alex gasped softly, swallowing a breath. Nathan was staring right at him. The movie had started in the background, a soft ivory light bleeding across the screen and illuminating the room. The cheek turned toward Alex looked devastatingly pale.

Alex stared blankly as the long eyelashes resting above the beautifully sloped bridge of his nose fluttered softly. The face drew gradually closer. The hand reaching out planted itself right next to Alex’s own hand. As the sofa dipped beneath the weight, Alex felt as if his entire body was sinking down with it. His insides ached with an unfamiliar tension.

He was way too close.

A faint scent of body wash drifted through the air. The cool, refreshing scent mingled with the sweet aroma of his skin grew increasingly potent. Only when he caught the subtle sound of Nathan’s breathing did Alex realize he had been holding his own breath. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to exhale. He was terrified that if he breathed out right now, his breath would brush directly against Nathan’s lips.

Nathan slowly lowered his head. His silken blond hair cascaded down, covering his forehead. His lips, looking far redder than usual, parted and closed around the straw. The exact spot where Alex’s lips had been just seconds ago.

Feeling his entire face flush crimson all the way down to his neck, Alex violently whipped his gaze away. On the screen, a cheerful dog was bounding across a field. A sudden, massive wave of guilt crashed over him.

This isn’t a weird situation at all.

It’s just that Nathan is using the straw I was drinking from, with my saliva still on it… Damn it, framing it like that makes it sound incredibly weird.

“It’s sweet.”

Pulling his lips away from the straw, Nathan stated factually.

“Was it… bad?”

The question sounded strange even to his own ears. Because his throat was thick with tension, his voice cracked slightly. Nathan’s eyelashes blinked lazily, and a single, casual remark slipped from his lips.

“I like it.”

And with that, he turned his head back to the TV.

Alex stopped breathing for a second. The words he had just heard were far too sweet. Nathan didn’t add anything else. He simply leaned back against the sofa and began watching the movie as if nothing had happened. But there was absolutely no way Alex could do the same.

He was hyper-aware of Nathan’s hand resting right next to his own pinky finger. The face that had drawn so close they were practically touching kept flashing before his eyes, and he desperately wanted to attach meaning to that ‘I like it.’

The question he had been ruthlessly suppressing reared its head. He wanted to ask the very thing he had been evading by making countless excuses, maybe, no way, it couldn’t be. He was terrified of being properly rejected, and he constantly reminded himself that he couldn’t let his feelings show any further, yet he kept falling into the trap of delusional hope.

No, he wanted to be delusional.

“Hey, Nate.”

Pretending to watch the screen while absorbing absolutely nothing of the movie, Alex opened his mouth.

“Yeah.”

“I’m really just asking because I’m curious…”

“Okay.”

“If Tina and Jude had asked to… practice dating, would you have helped them?”

His heart hammered painfully against his ribs, as if he had committed a terrible crime. It was beating so violently he was certain the sound was leaking out. Terrified to look at Nathan’s face, Alex stubbornly fixed his gaze straight ahead, feigning perfect nonchalance.

“No.”

The voice returning the answer was quiet and composed. The absolute tranquility of that response was what shocked Alex the most. His gaze, which he had so desperately glued to the screen, instantly snapped sideways. Their eyes locked.

“…No?”

“Yeah.”

He felt dizzy.

“Then… why did you help me?”

“I wonder.”

Right next to his palm, Nathan’s fingers, hovering so close they were practically touching, twitched. The fingers sliding over the back of his hand gently stroked his skin.

“Why do you think?”

A maddening tickle spread across his skin. The spreading sensation crawled up his spine, drenching his entire body like an electric thrill. His lips parted involuntarily.

Listen to me, Yeon Joo-hyuk.

If that ‘maybe’ you were thinking about…

“Think about it.”

What are you going to do if it’s actually real?

“If you guess the right answer, I’ll give you a prize.”

A languid, heavy smile swept across the expressionless face whispering those sweet, ruinous words.

☂