Chapter 41

Nathan’s grip on his neck tightened slightly, and without realizing it, Alex began to lower his head toward him. He didn’t know what was about to happen, but he closed his eyes anyway. Feverish breaths escaped him.

A breeze blew, and then something soft and yielding touched his lips.

Nathan’s scent enveloped him.

The soft pressure against his lips lingered for a moment and then pulled away. Alex’s hands shook. He felt dizzy, his blood boiling as a high-pitched ringing echoed in his ears.

The soft pressure returned, rubbing against his lips repeatedly. Alex forgot how to breathe, keeping his lips pressed tight as his lashes trembled violently.

And then, something wet licked his lips.

The sensation was so terrifyingly vivid that Alex let out a small gasp and parted his lips. He was so shocked his heart felt like it had stopped beating. His senses were a blurred mess. He felt like he was floating, yet his body felt heavy and limp at the same time. He felt lightheaded, gripped by a fear that he might actually die right then and there.

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and let out a pained moan as the wet muscle pushed past his lips. Nathan’s grip on the back of his neck tightened. It took Alex several seconds to realize that it was a tongue.

The tongue that had been tracing his lips began to softly stroke his own. The sensation of their tongues meeting was so bizarre that Alex let out a soft ah and his body shook. He flinched as if to flee, but Nathan’s hand held him in place. He felt a hand wrap around his waist. He felt himself coming apart in an instant.

He shook his head even as he gripped Nathan’s clothes with all his might. He didn’t care that he was rumpling the fabric; he just held on as if it were a lifeline.

Alex let out another moan when Nathan’s tongue brushed against the slick, sensitive area beneath his own. The stimulation was so intense he felt like he was about to lose consciousness. Their saliva mingled.

Alex stood there, completely rigid, having no idea what he was supposed to do. He didn’t even think to swallow, and saliva pooled at his lips before trickling down his chin.

After exploring the depths of Alex’s mouth as if savoring him, Nathan’s tongue began to tickle the roof of his mouth. The explosive sensation made his lower abdomen ache. A shiver raced down his spine, and Alex finally reached his limit. This was too much.

“Hng, mmm, ha, haaa…”

His face felt like it was about to explode with a giddy, terrifying excitement. He felt like he was about to cry. Sensing that his body was no longer under his control, Alex let go of Nathan’s clothes. A wave of heat crashed over him, identical to the onset of his rut.

Feeling a sense of danger, Alex pushed Nathan away with more force than he’d intended. He felt as if he might do something even more extreme if they continued. He finally managed to catch his breath, letting out a series of loud, ragged pants. He stumbled back three or four steps.

His eyes felt raw and stinging. Alex gasped for air and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. After frantically wiping away the saliva that had dripped down his chin, he looked at Nathan with tearful eyes. Nathan was staring at him silently. His own lips were red and wet, confirming that what had just happened wasn’t a dream.

A heavy silence descended.

It took Alex several seconds to realize how this must look. He’d just violently pushed Nathan away. Panic flared in his chest, his mind going white.

“I-I mean…”

He didn’t know what to say first. Should he answer the confession? Or should he explain what just happened?

If he chose the latter, he’d have to explain that it was his first kiss and describe the strange sensations he’d felt. It was impossible. He was shaking so violently he felt like he might faint; there was no way he could talk about the kiss. For the first time in his life, Alex realized that extreme joy and excitement could feel like being under anesthesia.

“I…”

I like you too.

Alex tried to say the words, but his throat was so tight he had to stop. It felt like his airway had shriveled up. Nathan just kept staring at him. Alex rubbed his cheek roughly and tried to collect his thoughts.

“I like you a lot, too.”

He managed to get those words out, but then he felt lost. What now? Am I supposed to ask him to be my boyfriend?

But Alex still had his situation with Ian to resolve. He felt like he was deceiving Nathan by asking him to date when he hadn’t officially rejected Ian yet.

The tension in Nathan’s face slowly ebbed away after hearing Alex’s words. He looked at Alex with a calm expression and slowly walked toward him. He finally parted his lips.

“Sorry if I startled you.”

“N-No, it’s fine.”

“…Alright.”

Alex looked away, having no idea what to do with himself. He was incredibly embarrassed and felt guilty toward Nathan. He felt bad that his reaction wasn’t what it should have been after a kiss, and he felt bad that he’d kissed Nathan without rejecting Ian first. Then the realization that they’d actually kissed made him so embarrassed he just hung his head entirely.

It was his first kiss.

He’d had his first kiss with Nathan.

Just thinking about it made it impossible for him to make eye contact. It felt like fireworks were exploding inside his head.

“Hey, Nathan.”

Nathan waited a beat before answering. “Yeah.”

It was easier to talk without looking at him. Alex braced himself, terrified that his legs might actually give out after the kiss, and voiced his thoughts. He wanted to officially ask Nathan to be his boyfriend only after he’d properly settled things with Ian. David Mack was still bothering him, too.

“Can we talk properly on Saturday?”

After a silence even longer than the previous one, Nathan finally replied. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Alex desperately wanted to look at him, but he couldn’t stop shaking, so he kept his eyes elsewhere. He was terrified that if their eyes met, he would be so overwhelmed by embarrassment he’d just turn and run.

Silence fell again. Only after the distant cry of a seagull echoed through the air did Nathan speak quietly.

“Let’s head back now.”

His voice sounded exactly the same as always.

☂