Chapter 24

He had a troubling dream.

Opening his eyes sluggishly, Nathan stared at the ceiling, lying perfectly still for several minutes before finally lifting the blanket. Looking down, he found his suspicions confirmed. The front of his gray cotton pants was heavily stained with wetness. A fleeting wave of bewilderment washed over his pale, expressionless face.

It had been a very long time since something like this had occurred. Even though no one was watching, a profound sense of absurdity crashed over him.

He hardly had any memories of this happening since his first wet dream years ago, yet the dream itself was far more troubling than the physiological phenomenon. Given his usually low libido, which sometimes baffled even himself, he rarely masturbated, and he couldn’t recall a single instance in his life where he had harbored sexual fantasies or dreams about anyone.

But Alex had appeared.

Exhaling a shallow breath, Nathan buried his face in the pillow, his blond hair scattering softly across the pristine white cover. The languor that inevitably follows a climax, coupled with an unprecedented dizzying sensation, still lingered heavily in his body. As he lay there in a daze, the scenes from his dream floated back to the surface. Though the sequence didn’t string together like a coherent film but rather as scattered fragments, a specific expression kept lingering in his mind’s eye.

He kept seeing Alex’s face from the moment they held hands.

Truthfully, it had been difficult to stop thinking about him ever since returning home that day. The flushed corners of Alex’s eyes that had revealed themselves the second their fingers brushed, the way he had weakly withdrawn his hand in a panic as if terrified, those memories made the center of Nathan’s chest tingle.

His voice, claiming he had never held hands before, had trembled as if he were crying, and that very voice swiftly transformed into the moans Alex made in his dream. It was obscenely, ridiculously erotic and cute.

And that wasn’t all. The moment Nathan had pressed a light kiss to the corner of his lips, the nape of Alex’s neck had flared a brilliant crimson, exactly as it had that day. When he stripped off his clothes and spread his legs, Alex had twisted his waist, his face entirely tearful. His black hair clung wetly to his forehead, while the slightly sharp corners of his eyes were blurry and damp.

Despite never once feeling his heart flutter or experiencing a shred of arousal toward a man, Nathan felt his body stealthily growing excited again just by picturing the dream-version of Alex that had hijacked his mind.

Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this way toward the girlfriends he had briefly dated. He hadn’t minded their soft voices or the touch of their smooth bodies, but had he ever wanted anything more? Absolutely not. Because of that, despite having countless opportunities to progress the relationship, he had never gone all the way. In fact, Nathan had even felt a degree of displeasure at any physical intimacy beyond a kiss.

His turbulent emotions refused to settle even after a long time passed. Heaving a sigh, he hoisted himself up. It was almost time for his mother to wake up, so he needed to stop indulging in these thoughts.

However, the thoughts relentlessly pursued him even as he left the room to wash up. It felt as though a bouncing ball with no clear trajectory had been shoved inside his skull.

Does Alex show that side of himself to anyone he dates? he wondered, plunging his hands into the water flowing into the sink. Just the mere hypothetical made him feel inexplicably foul.

If the older boy trembled that much just from holding hands, how would he react to a kiss? Nathan was dying to know. He wanted to see exactly how much redder Alex could get, and what kind of expressions he would make. He found himself wondering if those appealingly shaped lips would be soft, and what kind of reaction Alex would show if they intertwined their tongues.

“Haa.” He splashed cold water onto his face with an irritated sigh. The visage reflected in the mirror felt entirely unfamiliar. A hungry, impatient thirst clung to his normally placid complexion.

Even after finishing his shower and sitting down at the dining table for breakfast, his mind refused to clear. In a state of utter confusion about his own behavior, Nathan transferred a pancake from the serving platter to his plate. His mother, dressed impeccably in a business suit, placed a glass of milk in front of him.

“Did you sleep well?”

Lately, his mother seemed in vastly better spirits than before. After sorting out the ambiguous distance she had kept from his eldest brother, Nick, through various events, the likely cause of her joy was the fact that his formerly Beta brother had become an Omega and was now pregnant.

“Yes. Did you?”

“I slept wonderfully. I’ll be a bit late today, as I think I’ll drop by Nick’s place after work. Would you like to come along?”

“No, I’m alright.”

He loved seeing his brother, but Tina and Jude had suggested going to watch Alex’s practice today. Because summer vacation was fast approaching, their classes were finishing early.

If it were the past, he probably would have gone to see his brother…

Cutting his thoughts short, Nathan took a bite of the pancake. It was dry and tasted faintly of smoke. As always, it was a pancake utterly devoid of culinary merit. Come to think of it, he couldn’t recall ever eating the pancakes Alex had made. The older boy had bolted the day he promised to make banana pancakes. I bet they would be delicious.

“Alright, do as you please. Oh, right, are your college applications coming along well?”

That instantly killed his appetite. Poking the pancake with his fork, he nodded sluggishly.

“Yes.”

“Mr. Henry said you wouldn’t have any trouble getting in anywhere with your grades… but Mom is still a little worried that you aren’t applying to Cardiff College. I hear they’re the absolute best for pre-med.”

At the uncomfortable topic, Nathan lowered his gaze, the words caught in his throat retreating back into his stomach. If he told her right now that he planned to select a university with a decent police studies program and then take the recruitment exam, it would undoubtedly cause a massive uproar this early in the morning. His mother practically threw a fit whenever this subject came up.

“It’ll be fine,” he ended up answering vaguely.

Staring quietly at Nathan, Nora nodded, though her expression remained unconvinced.

“You aren’t entertaining any strange ideas, are you?”

“No.”

“Tell me if you need any allowance.”

“I will.”

Nora’s hand ruffled Nathan’s hair. Quietly accepting her touch, Nathan suddenly thought of something, a question that popped into his head completely out of the blue. As Nora turned to leave the kitchen, Nathan abruptly asked, “Mom.”

“Yes?”

“Since Nick is pregnant with twins… I don’t really have to get married later, do I?”

Nora stopped dead in her tracks. Frowning with one eye, she let out a thoughtful hum and walked back toward him, a low sigh tumbling from her lips before she spoke.

“As long as it’s not dangerous work, I’m fine with whatever you choose to do… but I still wish you would be careful. I don’t think it’s the time to jump to conclusions just yet.”

To be precise, it wasn’t about marriage, but whether or not he would have children. Yet, even Nathan himself couldn’t fathom why that question had suddenly crossed his mind. Mirroring Nora’s expression for a moment, Nathan quickly smoothed his features back into their usual indifference and nodded.

“I understand.”

“Good boy, Nate. Mom is leaving now.”

“Have a good day.”

“Have a great day too, sweetie.”

The conversation with his mother, which had only saddled him with a heavy heart, ended there. After forcing down the single pancake he had started, Nathan cleared the dishes. As the time to make a final decision drew nearer, there were frequent occasions where his mornings were ruined by a foul mood. Locking the front gate after finishing his preparations for school, Nathan scanned the sky.

It would be nice if it rained, he mused silently.

☂