Chapter 12

The beautiful hand finally fell away.

Suppressing the pathetic pang of disappointment that flared in his chest, Alex hastily vaulted to his feet. Seeing Nathan reaching down to pick up his discarded backpack, he frantically lunged forward.

“I can get it. It’s too heavy for you,” Alex blurted out, his voice thick and strained.

Given that Alex was vastly stronger than the Beta, letting Nathan lug his heavy gear around was absurd. Moving with desperate speed to ensure Nathan couldn’t grab it first, Alex snatched the bag from the concrete.

Nathan straightened his posture smoothly. His pale, flawless face looked significantly more relaxed than it had moments ago.

Falling into their familiar routine, Alex boarded the subway with Nathan to head home. Despite holding a perfectly valid bus pass that made the Tube entirely unnecessary, he invariably chose the subterranean route whenever he was with the Beta.

That was merely the tip of the iceberg regarding the pathetic lengths he went to just to maximize his time with Nathan. He had deliberately chosen to take a notoriously brutal science class he possessed zero talent for simply because Nathan was enrolled, and he had willingly joined a mind-numbingly boring reading circle solely for the proximity.

A horrifying multitude of obsessive, covert efforts had been executed entirely beneath the surface, efforts that would sound genuinely terrifying if he ever dared to voice them aloud.

As his panicked mind slowly began to regain its normal function, a new anxiety slammed into him: the horrifying possibility that his post-practice, sweat-drenched body smelled repulsive.

It definitely smells terrible, he concluded miserably.

Keeping a significant distance between them, Alex stared resolutely at the floor while Nathan kept his piercing gaze fixed on him for the entire agonizing ride. The sheer weight of that stare forced Alex to glance up and meet his eyes over and over again.

He still couldn’t fathom what had just happened. Nathan had undeniably been furious, yet he had willingly, gently touched his cheek. Trapped in an endless spiral trying to decode the impossible meaning behind that action, they finally arrived at their destination: Kilburn Station.

“Are you sure you should be coming all the way out here?” Alex asked cautiously as they emerged from the station into the damp air, maintaining a rigid, four-step distance from the Beta. Nathan lived near Limehouse in the East End, a location diametrically opposed to Alex’s bleak neighborhood.

Instead of answering the question, Nathan bluntly addressed the elephant in the room. “Why the hell have you been standing like that this whole time?”

A fresh wave of humiliation crashed over him. Hesitating pitifully, Alex finally offered a mumble. “I didn’t get to shower after practice.”

“I don’t care,” Nathan stated flatly.

The Beta halted completely, leveling Alex with an unyielding stare.

You might not care, but I care a whole fucking lot, Alex thought desperately.

Realizing that Nathan was fully prepared to stand there until the end of time if he refused to close the gap, Alex surrendered. As he awkwardly shuffled back to his rightful place by the boy’s side, Nathan finally spoke.

“I’ve never actually been to your house. Where is it?”

The horrifying prospect of guiding Nathan to his dilapidated, embarrassingly shabby flat, a stark, humiliating contrast to Nathan’s own pristine home, filled Alex with intense dread. But attempting to navigate this apocalyptic conversation out on the open street felt equally disastrous.

With a heavy, resigned sigh, Alex began walking, keeping pace beside him. A profound regret washed over him; if he had known he was going to be ambushed like this, he would have braved the showers first.

They rounded the corner of a narrow, grime-stained alleyway. Passing the small bakery that shuttered its doors right after lunch, they navigated through a street lined with boisterous pubs.

Every single time Alex walked down this road, he had indulged in vivid, hopeful fantasies of returning here with Nathan once they were officially adults. Sure, everyone managed to secure alcohol right now, but legally sharing a pint with Nathan in a legitimate establishment was a completely different, infinitely more romantic scenario. The realization that the bright future he had so meticulously mapped out was rapidly slipping through his desperate fingers drove Alex to reply with panicked urgency.

“I ignored them because I was terrified you were going to cut me off and end our friendship completely.”

“Why would I do that?” Nathan demanded, his tone utterly bewildered.

Nathan had been relentlessly probing for the exact ‘why’ since they left the station. Alex’s throat seized entirely.

During his panicked internal debate, they arrived at the property. Standing beside the miserably short, waist-high wooden fence guarding the flat, Alex desperately sifted through his chaotic thoughts to find the right words. Nathan always approached conversations like this; meticulously dissecting the root cause of the conflict was simply his methodical way of existing.

However, confronting one’s own catastrophic, repulsive mistakes was an inherently painful task. Alex hesitated, searching the ground for an escape. Displaying unusual patience, Nathan didn’t rush him, merely waiting in the silence.

“At your house…” Alex began, his voice barely a whisper.

“Yeah.”

“I…” He weighed his words with terrifying precision. If he explicitly labeled it a ‘perverted act,’ he would undoubtedly cement his status as a disgusting pervert in Nathan’s eyes forever. He was terrified that the ugly, shameful words falling from his own lips would permanently overwrite Nathan’s entire perception of ‘Alex Yeon.’

“…I did something incredibly filthy,” he finally choked out.

Yet the heavily sanitized alternative hardly sounded much better. Of course it didn’t. What he had done was inherently, undeniably filthy.

“You said it was a rut,” Nathan stated, his voice remaining flawlessly calm and measured.

Alex slowly lifted the gaze that had been practically glued to the pavement.

“If it was a rut, it’s not exactly something you can control, right?” Nathan reasoned.

A massive wave of relief crashed into him, and the rock-hard knot in his chest finally began to unravel. Alex nodded frantically. “You really think so?”

“That’s what they taught us biologically. Isn’t it?” Nathan countered smoothly.

“Right. And… since it was my very first time, I genuinely had absolutely no idea it would hit me like that,” Alex babbled defensively.

“I understand,” Nathan offered with a slow, accepting nod.

Gently scuffing the toe of his football boot against the cracked concrete, Alex cautiously ventured a desperate hope. “So… does that mean you’re not angry anymore?”

“I just have one more question,” Nathan replied quietly.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll tell you absolutely anything,” Alex promised eagerly.

Nathan remained silent for several excruciatingly long seconds. Sweating profusely from sheer nerves, Alex wiped his damp palms against his training shorts.

Nathan’s vibrant green eyes methodically dragged across Alex’s frame, traveling down to his toes before snapping back up to lock onto his face. A sudden thirst gripped Alex’s throat.

“That night.”

A deeply ominous premonition washed over Alex.

“Why exactly were you screaming my name?” Nathan asked.