Chapter 59

In the early hours of the morning, a violent fever took hold of Alex’s body.

He couldn’t tell if it was the roar of thunder that had woken him or the searing heat soaking into his sheets. Long before dawn, Alex pushed himself up, wiping the cold sweat from his brow.

He felt dizzy.

A repulsive, familiar sensation was crawling up his spine, spreading through his entire system. It was a feeling he knew with sickening intimacy. He rolled out of bed and fumbled through his desk drawer with frantic hands, finally yanking out a bottle of medication. He twisted the cap off and shook a liquid gel pill into his palm.

The memory of the sheer panic he’d felt during his first Rut was now a distant blur; over the years, the cycle had become a grim inevitability.

The experience of having his rationality severed and his mind hollowed out by raw, primal lust was something he had faced unprotected only once, at seventeen. Haunted by the mistake he had made that day, Alex prepared for his Ruts with militant precision, carrying multiple suppressants with him at all times.

People claimed that sleeping with an Omega would make the persistent, unpleasant heat vanish instantly, but Alex never considered that an option. He always chose the pills.

Fortunately, his Ruts were regular and the cycles were relatively long. Every three months, when the Rut arrived, Alex would fall severely ill, forcing him to take a leave of absence. What had started as mild symptoms years ago had recently escalated into something far more debilitating.

He had read articles claiming that even without an Omega, sex was better than nothing, but he never had the desire to try. Alex found it impossible to form an attraction to anyone, and for a man who struggled to even hold the hand of someone he didn’t love, a one-night stand was an impossibility.

Having relied on medication for nine years, Alex spent every Rut alone, sustained only by prescription suppressants. The unfulfilled desire remained trapped in his system as a lingering heat, frequently attacking his body and leaving him feeling as though he were suffering from a severe flu.

Alex scrubbed his sweat-slicked forehead and walked to the kitchenette. He swallowed the pill with a glass of tap water before opening the fridge. It was almost empty, containing only water, chocolate milk, eggs, and a loaf of bread.

He didn’t know how long his Rut would last if he stopped taking the medication, but with the suppressants, he usually suffered for exactly three days. Since he felt relatively functional today, just before the full onset, he figured it was best to go to work, speak with Inspector Janice, and then pick up some groceries on his way home.

Unable to return to sleep, Alex lay in bed for two hours before heading out early to catch the bus. In the spring and summer, he could rely on his bicycle, but the autumn weather made that difficult. The cost of a bus pass, which easily exceeded £100, was a significant burden on his finances.

He knew his life looked miserable, but it had always been a struggle. He was constantly short on money, buried under a mountain of debt, and possessed almost nothing that brought him joy.

One of the people his father owed money to was Alex’s paternal aunt. His aunt, two years his father’s senior, had provided significant financial support for the business, only for his father to flee without repaying the final loan. She hadn’t mentioned it for years, only reaching out to Alex after her husband was diagnosed with cancer and forced into early retirement.

His aunt had a daughter, Melda, who was the same age as Alex.

It turned out the money his father had borrowed had been intended for Melda’s university tuition. Despite the norm in the UK being for students to fund their own education, his aunt, clinging to their Korean roots, had desperately wanted to pay for her daughter’s degree. She told Alex she didn’t want to burden him, but asked if he could find a way to settle his father’s debt.

Knowing that the borrowed money had likely been spent on him, Alex had only one answer. “I’ll help you.”

Consequently, Alex’s paycheck was devoured by rent, transportation, his own student loans, the monthly support he sent his mother, and the debt to his aunt. There was a reason why, despite earning a decent investigator’s salary, he continued to live in such wretched conditions.

“Morning, Alex!”

The first person he encountered at the precinct was Anna. She approached him with her usual boundless energy.

“Hey, Anna.”

“Is your Rut coming up?”

As a fellow Alpha, Anna immediately detected his condition. Alex shook the rain from his umbrella and nodded. “Yeah. It’s that time again.”

“Ruts are the absolute worst. Finding a partner to spend the time with is such a hassle, and the suppressants make you feel like crap. How do you manage with just the pills, sir?”

Despite being only a year younger than Alex, Anna was a powerhouse of energy. Given how investigators usually ended up crushed by the weight of the job, Alex often worried about her. Once you lost that kind of bright, positive outlook, it was nearly impossible to get it back.

“They’re manageable.”

“Don’t say that. You should really try to find an Omega partner. It’s so much better. It kills me to see you suffering from the side effects of those meds.”

“I’ll try.”

If he could have, he would have done it a long time ago. If he could have simply let go of his lingering attachments, he would have found someone else by now. Like a mouse caught in a wheel, Alex kept circling the same spot. He couldn’t see a way out, and he was as sick of it as anyone.

“I guess that means you won’t be able to join the investigation in Redcliffe this week?”

“Redcliffe? The Eastern European mafia?”

“Yeah. Sergeant Hayden found out last night that one of the illegal films they’re producing bears a striking resemblance to our case. They kidnap ordinary people to film these videos, and apparently, there’s mention of trait transformation in them.”

“Disgusting bastards.”

“Exactly. The world is full of garbage.”

Alex offered a grim nod. The most frustrating part was knowing that people like that often evaded justice entirely.

☂