Chapter 52

This was the one response out of the thousands he had imagined that had never crossed his mind. It was a denial that negated the very existence of those two years, years that had been Alex’s sole reason for breathing, his only source of joy, and the root of all his tears.

That, Alex had never expected.

The sound of his own hitching breath escaped him, almost like a sob. Fortunately, he showed no other outward reaction; the upheaval was contained entirely within his chest.

“Really? Alex, what’s with you?”

Matthew’s hand gripped his shoulder gently, snapping him back to reality. Alex let out a faint, dazed sound and slowly turned toward his partner. His face felt paralyzed, his expression frozen, so he took a deep breath and doubled over, reaching down to retrieve the fallen pen. He blinked at the spotless white floor tiles.

It’s okay. 

He recited the mantra he had whispered to himself for nine years like a protective spell. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. After three rapid, silent whispers, he stood back up, pen in hand. Both men were watching him.

“Sorry. I… I thought he was someone else for a second.”

It was a logical reaction. Nathan had told him he was disgusting, after all. He hadn’t been wrong. Before sleep, Alex always remembered the moment Nathan had swatted his hand away and called him disgusting. Even when he didn’t want to think about it, the memory returned as a nightmare. Why would Nathan ever want to acknowledge someone he found repulsive?

Forcing his features into a professional mask, Alex slowly opened his notebook. Usually, he was known for his stoicism as an investigator, but today his usual talent failed him as his heart continued to churn.

“Really?” Matthew asked, his eyes lingering on them suspiciously.

Alex decided he would have to tell Matthew the truth, that they were former classmates, after they left the room. Lying during an investigation, even about something minor, was a line he wouldn’t cross. But if Nathan was determined to act like they were strangers, Alex had no immediate way to stop him. He offered a small nod to Matthew.

“My apologies, Mr. White.”

Even at the awkward, formal address, Nathan’s expression remained blank.

“It’s fine,” he replied.

His response was even drier than his expression, the voice of someone who literally couldn’t care less. His use of formal language was perfectly natural, as if he were truly addressing a complete stranger. It was so convincing that even Alex began to doubt himself.

Could this just be someone with the same name?

If it weren’t for that staggering beauty that hadn’t changed since childhood, his physique had altered so much that Alex might have actually believed it was a different person.

But Alex Yeon possessed a terrifyingly precise memory when it came to Nathan White. Every detail, from the moment they first met, was carved into his soul. This was undoubtedly Nathan.

“I am Investigator Alex Yeon from the investigative team.” He gripped his notebook tightly, fighting to keep his voice from trembling or breaking. He felt pathetic. He was an adult now, yet the moment he saw Nathan, his emotions were laid bare. He had thought he’d grown more adept at hiding them over the years. “If you’re feeling up to it, may I ask you a few questions? Any details you can remember would be a significant help to the case.”

“Yes.” Nathan showed no sign of agitation, his voice strictly professional.

“I’d appreciate it if you could tell us everything you remember about the incident.”

“Very well.”

Still, there was no change in his demeanor. Nathan began his statement in a detached, clinical tone.

“I am a physician currently undergoing Core Medical Training here at this hospital. Amy, the woman in the bed, is a friend of mine. She had stopped by to see me and was on her way home. I noticed she’d left one of her files behind; she can be a bit forgetful, so I went out to the back of the hospital to return it to her. That’s when I found them.”

“Are the two of you close?” Matthew interjected. He always paid close attention to the relationships between witnesses, knowing that deep personal ties could sometimes color a statement with bias.

Alex, who had been dazed while scribbling down Nathan’s words, looked up.

“Yes,” Nathan answered simply.

“How close, exactly? Please don’t take offense; I only ask to determine if there are any factors that might impact the investigation.”

“She is someone who has asked me out on a date, though nothing has happened yet.” Nathan replied matter-of-factly. “If that’s what you’re curious about.”

Matthew nodded at the man’s composure and glanced at Alex, signaling for him to continue.

Alex, however, felt as if he had been turned to stone. The word date rang in his ears. His pen failed to form words on the paper, leaving only a series of faint, aimless scratches. When the silence stretched on, Matthew frowned and turned back to Nathan.

“Describe the situation.”

“There is a staff parking lot behind the hospital. Beyond that, there’s a path leading into a quiet residential area toward Raven Row. Someone suddenly jumped out. He was wearing a black industrial raincoat, so I couldn’t see his face, but I caught him just as he was trying to subdue Amy and knock her unconscious.”

Nathan was incredibly calm. He answered Matthew’s questions in detail, without a hint of trauma or shock.

“Any other identifying features? Height, noticeable scars, voice, scent, anything at all, no matter how small.”

“He was slightly shorter than me but had a very robust, powerful build. I could feel his strength during the struggle. The rain was too loud for me to hear his voice or any sounds he might have made. I saw no scars, but based on the skin on the back of his hands and his jawline, I’d say he was white.”

“Do you remember the time?”

“It was just after six in the evening, I believe.”

In London, with winter approaching, the sky turned dark as early as three in the afternoon. On a rainy day like this, it would have been pitch black by six. Furthermore, the city was on edge because of the Beta Tester murders; people were avoiding the streets, much like they had during the Westminster attacks. Whitechapel, usually a bustling area, felt particularly deserted.

“Did you consider calling for help? Shouting, for instance?”

“The downpour was too heavy for that to be effective,” Nathan supplied.

Matthew looked skeptical. He’d seen plenty of victims end up in the morgue because they’d over-relied on their own abilities.

But Nathan’s logic was sound. Alex remembered the boy he had found lying unconscious and bloodied in the alley all those years ago. Even in that horrific situation, Nathan had protected himself. The sudden rush of memory made Alex feel physically ill. The nightmare Nathan had endured and the image of himself standing there watching it overlapped so vividly that he felt a surge of nausea.

“Matthew.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll be right back. I forgot something.”

Matthew nodded. He clearly suspected something was off, but he’d likely wait to finish with Nathan before pressing Alex for answers. Matthew was a good friend, better than Alex deserved.

Alex slowly tucked his notebook into his coat. Nathan gave him a brief, disinterested glance before turning back to Matthew with a face that didn’t even hold a flicker of curiosity.

“Shall we continue?” Nathan asked.

Their eyes didn’t meet again. Alex watched the scene for a few heartbeats before turning and walking out of the room.

The moment the door clicked shut, his hands began to shake. Wrestling to control his erratic breathing, Alex ducked into the restroom. He pressed his fingers against his burning eyes before approaching the sink. He turned on the cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked like a complete mess.

A familiar frustration boiled within him, the same suffocating feeling he got whenever he tried to look for his missing father only to end up sighing in despair. He felt like he could choke to death. It was as painful as that day nine years ago. Alex dug his fingertips into his chest, as if trying to claw through his own skin and bone.

He gasped for air, then cupped the cold water in his hands and splashed his face. Slowly, he began to steady himself.

He told himself repeatedly that it was fine.

If Nathan didn’t want to be someone who knew him, Alex would simply follow that wish. The denial had been a clear statement of intent. It wasn’t the reaction he had expected, but it led to the same conclusion he had reached in his own mind: if Nathan was angry, Alex would respect his will and stay away.

It made sense. In fact, it was only natural. Why would anyone want to cherish a memory, let alone a tainted one, of the person who had ruined their future and left them scarred? Alex was the only one who had clung to the past with such pathetic attachment. He was the one who had pushed Nathan away with his own hands.

As he was trying to soothe his idiotic heart with the cold water, the restroom door opened and Matthew walked in. He approached with one eye narrowed in suspicion.

“What the hell is going on with you? You two definitely know each other, don’t you?”

It was too obvious to deny. Alex didn’t even try. He simply nodded.

“Why are you the only one reacting like this? Did that guy do something to you?”

No, it was the opposite.

“We went to high school together. I… I committed a wrong against him back then.”

“Then why did he say he didn’t know you?”

“Because what I did was that bad.”

Alex turned off the tap and faced his partner. He ran a hand through his damp black bangs, pushing them back as he offered a small, awkward smile, a look that was neither soft nor intimidating.

“Is that why you were so shaken? I’ve never seen you act like that,” Matthew said, sounding unconvinced. His bangs obscured his forehead, making his expression hard to read, but the concern in his voice was unmistakable.

“Yeah. I… I really messed up.” Alex stared at the floor before looking back at Matthew. “It’s not like we’re anything now, but since there’s a personal connection, it’s probably best if you take point on his statement.”

It felt bizarre to describe someone he had loved, and still loved, as “nothing.” The moment when memories of shared affection were replaced by a void was truly…

“Fine.” Matthew scratched his brown hair.

Alex felt a momentary sense of relief. He balled his pale hands into fists and released them, forcing himself to smile again. This time, it looked a bit more genuine.

“Thanks. I’ll interview the woman once she wakes up.”

“Alright. I’ll move the man to a different location. We’ll need to request protection for him for a few days, but unlike the woman, it’s probably best not to relocate him entirely. Remember the suspect profile?”

Matthew was referring to the fact that, given the modus operandi, the primary requirement for a suspect was a background in medicine. Nathan was a friend of the victim and the one who had saved her, which made him an unlikely suspect, but they couldn’t be certain of anything yet. Matthew intended to keep him within sight until they were sure. They also needed to protect him, since the killer might return after his first failure.

“He looks delicate, but I did some checking. The guy’s a beast. He’s been doing Krav Maga for over a decade. He’s probably tougher than me; better be careful not to piss him off.”

Alex fell silent at Matthew’s joking tone. He managed a faint, lopsided smile and nodded, patting Matthew on the shoulder before leaving the restroom.

☂