Chapter 4

By the time afternoon rolled around, a blistering fever had seized his body.

At first, he felt sluggish and lethargic, drowning in waves of heavy drowsiness as if he hadn’t fully woken up, but right as classes finally ended, a terrifying, hyper-aware jolt of adrenaline shocked his system. His heart hammered wildly against his ribs, beating just as frantically as it did when he chugged energy drinks before grueling training sessions.

It had been so long since he had last caught a cold that the sudden illness left him feeling deeply disoriented. I guess I really did stand out in the rain too long this morning, he reasoned miserably.

Aside from the raging fever, he didn’t have a headache or a scratchy throat. Absolutely refusing to throw away this rare, precious opportunity to visit Nathan’s house, Alex dragged himself to the school nurse and managed to secure some cold medicine. Politely declining her insistence on a proper examination just in case, he hurried out. He couldn’t bear the thought of making Nathan wait.

If I get really lucky, maybe I can even sleep over, he mused hopefully. It was an entirely normal thing to expect as a friend. Besides, literally anything was better than returning to his own miserable home; being at Nathan’s house was infinitely more enjoyable.

Furthermore, on days without football practice like today, his father wouldn’t even spare him a passing glance, meaning there was absolutely no one waiting for him anyway.

Brushing off several casual invitations to after-school parties, Alex finally emerged from the school building. He positioned himself near the main gate, its faded blue paint peeling off in ugly, jagged patches. Nathan was nowhere in sight.

Pulling out his phone, Alex checked his notifications, but there was nothing beyond a random Snapchat from Tina and a few meaningless pings from a WhatsApp group chat.

A fresh, earthy scent rose pleasantly from the rain-dampened ground. Idly kicking at the dirt with the toe of his sneaker, Alex stared blankly at his phone. After swiping aimlessly across the screen for several minutes, he finally opened his photo gallery.

Since he practically never took pictures himself, the album was populated entirely by group shots he had received from other people. More accurately, they were specifically photos that happened to feature Nathan.

He didn’t have a single photo of just the two of them together. It stung, especially considering Tina and Jude had a seemingly endless supply of selfies where they had cheerfully wrangled Nathan into the frame.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked from right in front of him.

Alex flinched violently, snapping his head up. Nathan was standing there, watching him with an utterly impassive expression.

“U-uh, nothing!” Alex sputtered, hastily shoving his phone away.

Technically speaking, he had secretly downloaded those photos from Facebook and Instagram, making his sources less than honorable. Thankfully, Nathan didn’t press the issue.

“You’re here? Class ended late, huh?” Alex babbled, desperately tacking on a few clumsy sentences in his panic.

He didn’t look cool at all. The mere act of standing in front of Nathan sent his nerves into a terrifying overdrive, and while he was usually flustered, today he felt like he was putting on a masterclass in acting like a complete idiot. You’re so pathetic, Alex Yeon. You’re supposed to act like a cool, composed Alpha, he thoroughly berated himself, deliberately averting his gaze from Nathan’s piercing, unblinking stare.

“Jessica held me up,” Nathan explained smoothly, already turning to walk away.

At the sudden mention of Jessica Bundy’s name, Alex blinked. Come to think of it, the two of them were even in the exact same homeroom.

“Jessica Bundy?” he echoed dully.

Nathan simply nodded in confirmation instead of offering a verbal reply.

The mere sound of her name instantly tied Alex’s stomach into suffocating, agonizing knots. It was a dense, heavy ache, exactly like grappling with an unsolvable, maddening dilemma. He viciously hated feeling this way toward Nathan’s girlfriend. He was painfully aware of his own irrelevance in this dynamic, and he knew perfectly well that a normal friend wouldn’t act so ridiculously resentful toward their buddy’s partner.

Even knowing all of that, his treacherous mouth completely betrayed his better judgment and flew open entirely on its own.

“Why was Jessica holding you up?”

Moving with his signature long strides, Nathan was already creating a significant gap between them. Alex hurriedly took a few massive steps to catch up. He didn’t receive an answer. Well, it’s not like he absolutely has to tell me, Alex reasoned bitterly, his lips parting in a futile, silent protest.

Nathan was notoriously a man of few words. While he usually made it a point to reply to Alex, he maintained absolute silence on matters he deemed unnecessary to discuss. He was the kind of person who harbored far more disinterest than actual likes. He loathed people invading his personal space, and he absolutely hated being glued to his phone.

Though I’m sure he acts entirely differently with Jessica Bundy, Alex thought miserably.

Wallowing in his dark thoughts, he stared numbly at the ground, the rain-soaked earth clinging damply to his shoes. His steps began to slow. Trudging along without an ounce of energy, he was abruptly brought to a halt a few seconds later when he nearly collided with the broad back blocking his path.

Flinching, Alex jerked his head up, finding Nathan already staring back at him.

“Are you sick?” the Beta asked softly.

For the first time, a genuine flicker of emotion disrupted the usual, weary boredom painting his pale features. His fine, golden-brown eyebrows furrowed in distinct concern.

“N-no, I’m not.” This is maddening. Why do I keep stuttering? The heat rushed violently to Alex’s face. Hurriedly dropping his gaze to the pavement, he desperately scrambled to change the subject. “I just had something I needed to think about for a second.”

As if trying to ruthlessly dissect the truth, Nathan refused to tear his piercing gaze away from him. The sheer intensity of those eyes burning into his cheek sent a searing heat surging through Alex’s core. Darting his eyes nervously around the street, Alex eventually surrendered and met Nathan’s gaze head-on.

A brief, charged silence settled heavily over them. Studying him intently, Nathan finally raised his hand. His long, elegant fingers reached out, the soft tips gently ruffling the damp, black hair clinging to Alex’s forehead.

“We fought,” Nathan announced abruptly, dropping the statement without any preamble.

Alex blinked, completely failing to process the words for a chaotic moment.

“Because she demanded I ditch you and go somewhere with her instead,” Nathan elaborated quietly.

His sluggish brain finally scrambled to process the monumental weight of the situation. Nathan was actually answering his earlier, painfully jealous question. The second the realization slammed into him, the back of Alex’s neck flared a violent crimson. A furious inferno seemed to roar up from his stomach, setting his entire face ablaze.

Completely overwhelmed, his lips moved in a panicked, wordless flutter. He was so blindingly, deliriously happy, yet terrified out of his mind. The blush was definitely painfully obvious, making him look completely bizarre. What am I supposed to say? The world spun dizzily before his eyes.

After agonizing back and forth for what felt like an eternity, Alex finally forced himself to speak. He was absolutely certain a normal, rational response was completely beyond his current capabilities.

“So… what did you say to her?” Maybe that was a bit too much, he instantly regretted.

Nathan didn’t answer right away. Instead, his furrowed brow slowly, gracefully smoothed out. The corners of his eyes crinkled in a lazy, breathtaking curve, and a faint, beautiful smile blossomed on his lips.

“The answer is standing right in front of you.”

Finding some hidden humor in the moment, Nathan let out a low, melodic chuckle, finally withdrawing the hand that had been so gently tangling in Alex’s hair. Alex’s face burned so furiously it felt impossible to blush any harder. Forgetting the basic mechanic of breathing, he simply stood there with his lips parted in shock. It felt as though an invisible band had clamped brutally around his windpipe, robbing him of the ability to exhale.

His fingers curled into fists, desperately clutching the fabric of his navy-blue uniform trousers. In a frantic bid to mask his violently trembling hands, Alex forced his leaden legs into motion, squeezing out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Is that really okay?” he managed.

His voice sounded terribly raspy and low. Adjusting his stride to perfectly match Alex’s, Nathan walked smoothly beside him. Even though Alex was firing off far more questions than usual, an interrogation that would normally irritate the Beta to no end, Nathan answered every single one with surprising patience.

“The plans I made with you came first.”

That quiet reassurance sent Alex’s mood skyrocketing once more. Slowly evening out his ragged breathing, he threw out a teasing, half-joking remark. “So friends come before girlfriends? I’m honored.”

Nathan let out another brief, quiet laugh. He’s smiling an unbelievable amount today, Alex thought in absolute wonder.

“Not exactly,” Nathan corrected softly.

“…Really?” Alex asked, his smile faltering slightly.

And then, the usually stoic Nathan delivered an answer Alex had never, in his wildest dreams, anticipated. The heart that had been hammering wildly with pure, ecstatic joy now began to race with a terrifyingly different kind of adrenaline. The warm blood in his veins slowly turned to ice.

“It’s just that it isn’t Jessica Bundy.”

“Why not?” Alex breathed, stunned.

“Because she doesn’t actually like me,” Nathan stated matter-of-factly.

In the brief span of their conversation, they had already arrived at the subway station. Brushing past a frozen Alex, Nathan headed down the stairs first. The intoxicating, dizzying high Alex had been riding plummeted violently to the earth. His steps dragged heavily as he descended the stairs, every downward movement making him feel as though invisible hands were physically dragging him into the abyss.

How will Nathan act when he finally meets someone who truly loves him? Alex wondered numbly. Would he effortlessly push aside our plans, even if he promised me first? He clearly stated that friends don’t come first, so he probably would.

Viciously snapping the endless, agonizing chain of his thoughts, Alex gripped the crooked strap of his backpack with unnecessary, white-knuckled force. It didn’t matter anyway. Because by the time that hypothetical person finally appeared in Nathan’s life, Alex firmly resolved that he would only see Nathan as a friend.

Please, let that be the case, he prayed desperately.

☂