Chapter 37

Alex kept his eyes lowered as he followed Nathan through the narrow train aisle, his gaze fixated on their joined hands. The point where their skin met felt scalding, as if they were fused together. He tightened his grip on Nathan’s slightly damp palm, then abruptly jerked his head away.

His eyes had locked with someone watching them, an Omega who appeared a few years older than himself. Alex looked away in a frantic hurry as the man’s brown eyes widened in surprise.

—”It’s a disease.”

David Mack’s voice hissed through his mind. Alex felt a wave of nausea roll through him. Instinctively, his grip on Nathan’s hand slackened, but Nathan didn’t let go. The Omega’s look and David’s bigoted words overlapped in his mind before finally fading. Knowing David was wrong didn’t make the sting of the words any less sharp.

Alex hadn’t shown up for training in the two days following his confrontation with David, using family circumstances as a flimsy excuse for the coach. Coach Jenkins hadn’t said much yet; perhaps David hadn’t contacted his father after all. Alex had spent those days holed up at home in a state of misery, allowing himself to be trapped in his own head while his father, during a brief stop at the house, drank until he’d smashed half the furniture.

David was a lunatic, that much was certain, but Alex couldn’t recall a single instance where anyone had suggested an Alpha could date another dynamic. He’d lived his life believing that as well, which was why he’d never even dreamed of confessing. He liked Nathan, but he’d never seriously considered what dating a Beta would actually entail.

Why did Nathan suddenly start liking me?

No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t find a reason. He wasn’t exceptionally attractive enough for his dynamic to be overlooked, nor was he wealthy or particularly interesting. Sometimes he even found his own lack of wit frustrating.

He wasn’t good enough for the first string on his own merit, and he wasn’t a top student like Nathan. If Nathan, who had been so indifferent for so long, was going to develop feelings for him, why now? Is it just because he found out I used to like him?

As Alex spiraled into agony, Nathan stopped in front of a pair of window seats. He turned his stoic face toward Alex. “Shall we sit here?”

“I’d like that,” Alex replied.

“Where do you want to sit?”

His voice, though dry on the surface, carried a surprising amount of tenderness. That kindness made Alex feel like he was about to burst into tears. “I don’t mind.”

Nathan stared at him for a long moment. “Really?”

Alex nodded. Nathan stepped aside, gesturing for Alex to take the window seat. Alex hesitated before sliding in, but the hand he had been about to release was held fast by Nathan. Surprised, Alex looked up to see Nathan sitting down right beside him instead of across from him. Despite the gloom hanging over him, the proximity made his face flare with heat, the tips of his ears turning a brilliant crimson.

The train departed shortly after. Alex stared out the window, watching the station platform recede as the train began to pick up speed. He’d ridden trains before, mostly on day trips to the suburbs when he was a child, but this was his first time riding one alone with another person. The fact that it was Nathan made it feel like a privilege he didn’t quite deserve.

“Sorry,” Nathan said abruptly.

Alex turned to him, startled. “What for?”

“I didn’t buy any drinks or snacks.”

The words made Alex’s eyes prickle. He felt a lump form in his throat as he struggled to find an expression, eventually just shaking his head. “You said it wouldn’t take long.”

“Yeah. But this is our first time riding together.”

The warmth radiating from their joined hands heated Alex’s chest. While he’d spent the last two days agonizing over whether he should actually date Ian for the sake of his career, Nathan had been thinking of things like this. He felt a wave of self-loathing for even considering being that selfish.

Maybe it would be okay to date Ian just for a little while, without it being serious? Nathan’s had plenty of girlfriends, and he hasn’t officially confessed to me anyway…

Alex recalled his thoughts from before Nathan had called him earlier that day and felt a deep sense of disillusionment. He hated himself for making a choice that had led to this moment of guilt. He never should have accepted David’s deal just to grasp at something that was out of his league.

“I’ve never done this before, so I don’t really know how it works,” Nathan said, averting his gaze slightly. It might have been his imagination, but the boy looked almost bashful. “I’ll be better prepared next time.”

Guilt gnawed at Alex’s heart. Nathan’s mention of a “next time” made it feel like he truly did like him.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll prepare everything next time.”

Nathan offered a faint smile at that. He nodded and propped his chin on his hand, his eyes locking onto Alex. Being the sole focus of that gaze made Alex bite his lip. He felt an apology rising in his throat, though he couldn’t have explained what he was sorry for. The words remained unspoken. He lowered his gaze to their tightly clasped hands, and the sight of them finally steadied his fluttering heart.

He made his decision. He would reject Ian. He had to.

Beyond that, he decided it was better to transfer teams. Perhaps he would find more opportunities elsewhere, and there was a chance his father might understand if he explained everything. He’d probably take a few hits for it, but at least his conscience would be clear.

☂