Chapter 19

Ever since the disastrous incident in the cafeteria, Alex had rigorously avoided Nathan.

It wasn’t a particularly difficult task.

Their daily commutes to and from school had never overlapped to begin with, and since they didn’t share a single class or homeroom, there was virtually zero chance of accidentally crossing paths unless it was intentional. He occasionally offered brief, noncommittal replies in the group chat. Whenever the girls pressed him about what was wrong, he hid behind the bulletproof excuse that football practice was keeping him too busy.

Nathan hadn’t specifically reached out to him, either. Given that Alex was almost always the one to initiate their text conversations, the crushing silence was, in a way, entirely expected.

Every single day, despite possessing zero natural talent for conversation, Alex had desperately manufactured reasons to keep their text thread alive, from reporting on the weather, to complaining about classes, to rattling off new movie releases or ITV shows. Even while firmly labeling himself a ‘friend,’ perhaps subconsciously, Alex had been treating the entire process as a desperate campaign to permanently engrave his existence into Nathan’s life. It felt exactly like grinding a quest to artificially raise someone’s affection meter.

It was devastatingly ironic. He had sworn to himself he would never confess until the day he died, yet the absolute certainty that Nathan didn’t return his feelings was tearing him apart.

How great would it be if we could just control our emotions exactly how we wanted? Then we wouldn’t have to constantly hurt each other or get hurt.

During the final week of June, as a fresh wave of rain began to fall, Alex stared blankly out the window and lost himself in miserable thought. The clock had already ticked well past 7:00 AM, yet he remained stubbornly rooted inside the flat. If he left now, it would be physically impossible to conveniently ‘bump into’ Nathan on the Tube. Nathan’s commuting schedule was terrifyingly precise.

However, sleep flatly refused to return.

Staring up at the damp, water-stained ceiling, he blinked slowly. He missed Nathan terribly. It had already been over a week since he had caught even a glimpse of his face. Whenever Jude uploaded new photos of Nathan to the group chat, Alex couldn’t bring himself to scroll past them. He would pretend it was a total accident, swiping back up to quietly examine the images for a few desperate seconds, though he strictly forbade himself from actually saving them. Not that he had deleted the vast collection of Nathan’s photos already hoarded in his gallery, either.

Time dragged on with excruciating slowness.

Feeling like an eternity had passed, he would glance at the clock only to find that a mere five minutes had slipped away. Viciously ignoring the heavy, unidentifiable emotion crushing his chest, Alex lay paralyzed on the bed.

An hour later, he finally forced himself up. If he didn’t leave now, he would definitely be late for school.

He descended the dilapidated staircase, his weight causing the center of each step to bow slightly, and dragged himself into the kitchen. Naturally, there was no breakfast waiting for him. Still, it seemed his father had at least managed to buy cereal, as a brand-new, unopened box sat in the cupboard.

A few small mice had recently started scurrying around the flat, and if he left the cardboard box sitting there, they would undoubtedly chew a hole straight through it. Mom would have absolutely lost her mind if she knew. The hollow, useless thought flickered briefly in his mind.

Shoving a bagel dangerously close to its expiration date into his mouth, Alex jammed his feet into his shoes. He grabbed an umbrella and pulled the front door open. The damp, earthy scent of wet soil instantly flooded his lungs.

Alex loved the summer rain, infused with the fresh, clean scent of crushed grass. Rain was a vital, precious medium that unfailingly reminded him of Nathan.

But from now on, rainy days had to mean absolutely nothing to him. He no longer needed to rush to the station early just to manufacture a meeting, and he couldn’t allow himself to attach any special, romantic meaning to the day they first met. Friends don’t go to those kinds of pathetic lengths.

With that grim realization, every drop of joy vanished from his world.

Stepping heavily into the puddles pooling on the uneven asphalt, the bleak journey to school felt agonizingly depressing. Before he fully registered his own actions, Alex found himself standing in front of the Tube station instead of his usual bus stop. Annoyed by his own pathetic weakness, he roughly ruffled his damp hair. Yet he didn’t turn back.

Despite the fact that his father, who violently opposed spending money on absolutely anything outside of football, provided him with a painfully meager allowance, Alex tapped his Oyster card at the ticket barrier. His remaining balance was dangerously low. There was zero logical reason to pay over two pounds for a Tube ride when he held a perfectly valid bus pass, yet he had deliberately chosen this route.

The station was packed. Navigating through the dense crowd of commuters rushing to work, Alex made his way to the very far end of the platform. Cursing himself for being such an idiot, he planted his feet firmly behind the yellow safety line.

After a grueling fifteen-minute delay, the train finally roared into the station. Trapped within the crush of boarding passengers, he was shoved inside the carriage.

Very obviously, Nathan wasn’t there.

His entire premise had been fundamentally flawed from the start. Not only had too much time passed, but the mere fantasy that Nathan would actually wait for him inside the subway car was sheer delusion. Furious with himself for constantly manufacturing situations guaranteed to end in crushing disappointment, Alex glared at the sliding doors.

Compounding the delays, the train crawled forward at an agonizingly sluggish pace. Checking his watch, he realized that being late was now an absolute certainty.

Taking twice as long as his usual commute, Alex finally stepped off the train. There wasn’t a single familiar face in sight. Since everyone had already rushed inside, there weren’t even any peers wearing the same uniform left on the platform. Exiting the eerily silent station, he trudged slowly up the stairs leading to the main entrance.

He was exactly three steps from the top when he caught sight of a breathtakingly familiar back.

As he lifted his gaze from the concrete steps, a flash of pale, golden-blonde hair snagged his vision. Against the bleak, murky gray backdrop of the city, that specific shade of blonde was uniquely, devastatingly radiant. His footsteps slowed to a crawl. Deepening his frown, Alex stared ahead.

Stop making up these impossible delusions.

Thinking his desperate mind was finally playing cruel tricks on him, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut before snapping them open again. What the hell am I even doing? It’s probably just some stranger who looks similar from behind.

Yet, despite his fierce internal scolding, he cautiously took a step forward. He moved slowly, his grip tightening around the handle of his umbrella. His mouth went dry. A sickening wave of nausea roiled in his stomach, feeling as though something were physically trying to claw its way up his throat.

The very second he finally drew close enough, the figure abruptly turned around. Their eyes locked in a violent collision. Striking, vivid green eyes were staring directly at Alex.

“Hi.”

Nathan greeted him quietly. Completely robbed of his ability to speak, Alex snapped his mouth shut. Nathan merely watched the paralyzed Alpha in silence, offering no further explanation. The situation was deeply baffling.

Alex desperately parted his lips, frantic to force any words out. His mind short-circuited.

“Why are you here?”

The blunt, entirely uncharacteristic demand tumbled out of his mouth. He forgot to offer a standard greeting or a simple good morning.

“You didn’t show up. I thought I might have missed you, so…”

Alex clamped his mouth shut. A dizzying, terrifying vertigo washed over him, exactly as if he had been violently shoved off a cliff. Please, don’t do this to me.

“…So I waited,” Nathan finished.

If you act like this, I’ll…

“We always go together when it rains,” the Beta added.

…I’ll just keep falling more and more in love with you.