Chapter 15

They never needed to put a formal label on what had shifted between them after that night. Kisses came naturally whenever they met now, and the way Si-woon leaned into his touch told Je-hee everything a spoken declaration could have.

“Mmh, wait—just a second, hah…”

In the parked car, Si-woon placed a hesitant palm against Je-hee’s chest. The pressure was so light that anyone else might not have registered it as a plea to pause, yet Je-hee drew back at once.

“Hmm?”

“I can’t… breathe…”

“Ah.” Je-hee’s face went hot. Had he really gotten so carried away kissing the man that he had forgotten to let him come up for air? “I’m sorry.” Unsure what to do with his hands, he started to sit back in his seat—only for Si-woon to lean across the console and brush a brief, reassuring kiss over his lips.

“Take your time,” Si-woon murmured, his own mouth still flushed and slightly swollen. “It’s okay.”

That quiet indulgence only made Je-hee more acutely aware of how thin his self-control had worn. “…Yes. Thank you.” Pressing a hand over his racing heart, he silently thanked the car’s center console once again—and then considered whether he ought to see a cardiologist. Returned affection was supposed to make a person happy, and it did, yet at this rate his heart felt as though it had sprinted up a mountain every time they touched.

Even their nights under his roof had changed. Persuading Si-woon to abandon the spare room and share the master bed had proved unexpectedly simple—mostly because Si-woon had disarmed him completely in the middle of his carefully rehearsed speech.

“Think about it, Si-woon-ssi. Why do you think I invite you to sleep over so often? I’m not asking you upstairs just to leave you by yourself down the hall.”

“…Because you missed me?”

“…”

“Well, that’s the reason I stay over.”

“Th-then since we want the exact same thing, that’s all the more reason to share one room!”

Nothing dramatic had happened once they actually climbed into the same bed; simply lying under the same duvet was enough to fill Je-hee’s chest to overflowing. Calling Si-woon’s name softly in the dark, rolling into his warm embrace under the pretext of shifting in his sleep, smoothing down his tousled hair in the morning—Je-hee had never imagined such small, domestic liberties could make life feel this vivid.

Still, after a week of sharing a bedroom, one troubling detail refused to be ignored: Si-woon was losing sleep. Every night, long after the lights were out, Je-hee felt the mattress shift as Si-woon tossed and turned beside him. Thinking the unfamiliar sheets might be to blame, Je-hee had gone out and bought a set of high-thread-count cotton bedding, yet the restless turning continued unabated.

He slept like a rock when he used the guest room. Was sharing a bed with another person the problem? The thought left a bitter taste in Je-hee’s mouth. Sleep was the one thing he had sworn never to rob from Si-woon, yet the prospect of banishing him back to the spare room down the hall felt almost unbearable.

Could I just pretend I haven’t noticed for a few more days? Closing his eyes against the selfish temptation, Je-hee knew he couldn’t stay silent while the man he cared for grew more haggard by the morning because of him.

“Si-woon-ssi,” Je-hee said quietly into the dark. “Are you having trouble sleeping?”

Beside him, Si-woon gave a perceptible start under the covers. Keeping his eyes closed and lying flat on his back so Si-woon wouldn’t feel scrutinized while answering, Je-hee added gently, “I’ve been wondering if something about the room was making you uncomfortable.”

“Well, I…” Si-woon’s voice came out halting and sheepish; since they had only just turned in for the night, it was obvious to both of them that Je-hee had been awake through his tossing and turning on previous nights as well. After a long pause, as though struggling to admit a fault against someone who had tried so hard to make him comfortable, Si-woon spoke in a low rush. “It’s really nothing serious, it’s just… your bedroom is much warmer than the places I’m used to living in, so I keep waking up hot.”

Je-hee’s eyes opened in the dark. Of course—Si-woon’s old villa apartment was probably poorly insulated against the winter cold, whereas Je-hee kept his master bedroom toasty, and sharing a duvet with a second body only doubled the heat under the covers.

“And… I think the pajamas might be part of it, too,” Si-woon added, his voice dropping to a mortified whisper as he turned his face slightly into his pillow. “To be honest, when I’m at home by myself… I usually sleep without clothes on.”

“Ah, so that was it.” Letting out a long, quiet breath of relief, Je-hee felt the knot in his stomach untangle all at once. For days he had been puzzling over why Si-woon kept waking up drenched in sweat, even setting out different styles of silk and cotton sleepwear in case the cut was bothering him—when in reality, the man had simply been too polite to strip down in front of him!

“Mm…” Hearing Si-woon’s uncertain murmur in the dim light, Je-hee realized his brief sigh might have sounded like disapproval.

“Would you like to take them off right now?” Je-hee offered, keeping his tone as matter-of-fact as possible. “Go right ahead. There’s no reason to suffer in pajamas if they keep you awake.”

After a moment’s hesitation, the mattress dipped as Si-woon sat up and began undoing his buttons in the dark. Unbutton, rustle.

It was just a man taking off a pair of pajamas so he could sleep comfortably. Why was Je-hee gripping his own thigh under the duvet as if he had never seen someone undress before? Pausing briefly when he seemed to notice how rigid Je-hee had gone beside him, Si-woon slipped out of the top, stepped off the mattress to slide off the pajama trousers, and folded the set neatly at the foot of the bed before climbing back under the duvet in nothing but his briefs.

“Good night, Je-hee-ssi.” Even his voice sounded noticeably lighter now that the confession was out of the way.

Within minutes, Si-woon’s breathing slowed into a deep, even rhythm—falling asleep before Je-hee for the very first time since they had begun sharing the master bed. Delighted as he was that the mystery was solved, Je-hee stole a helpless sideways glance at the broad, bare shoulders and sculpted chest gleaming faintly in the moonlight beside him. Does he have the faintest idea what he’s asking of my self-control? Squeezing his eyes shut only conjured the image in sharper detail behind his lids. At this rate, Je-hee had a sinking suspicion that he would be the one suffering from insomnia from now on.

* * *

True enough, Si-woon’s restless nights vanished immediately. Within a few days, the healthy color had returned to his face, leaving no doubt that the heavy pajamas and bedroom heating had been the culprits all along. Je-hee was overjoyed to see him sleeping soundly—even if he had inherited a nightly trial of his own.

Not that I’m complaining. If anyone had called him a lecher, Je-hee would have had a hard time defending himself, yet being allowed to admire that lean, sun-browned frame at close range—and occasionally waking up to find Si-woon unconsciously pulling him into his warm arms or kicking off the blanket in his sleep—felt like a reward worth any amount of lost sleep.

Which was precisely why the sudden reversal a week later left him thoroughly bewildered.

“You’re wearing pajamas tonight?” Je-hee asked, blinking as Si-woon emerged from the bathroom after his shower. Several nights ago, Si-woon had quietly resumed wearing the pajama trousers; tonight, he had buttoned up the matching long-sleeved top as well.

“Yes. Walking around half-naked in someone else’s home every night didn’t feel very polite,” Si-woon replied calmly. “And now that I’ve adjusted to the temperature here, wearing them isn’t so bad.”

“…I see.” Striving to keep his tone agreeable while silently mourning the loss—I liked it much better before—Je-hee gave a polite nod. “I was worried when they kept you from sleeping earlier. I’m glad you’ve gotten used to them.”

Above the loose collar of the pajama shirt, a small triangle of damp skin gleamed in the warm light. Over the past week, Je-hee had grown shamelessly fond of tracing the broad line of Si-woon’s shoulders, the taper of his waist, the quiet vulnerability of him fresh from the shower. Now all of it was hidden behind buttoned cotton because Si-woon was trying to mind his manners, and Je-hee could hardly demand that the man strip back down for his viewing pleasure.

“…Should I take them back off?” Si-woon asked, pausing beside the bed.

“What?”

“You look really disappointed…”

“Was it written that plainly on my face?” Rubbing his burning cheek with an awkward laugh, Je-hee met Si-woon’s earnest, silent nod and wanted the floor to swallow him whole. If Si-woon had read his disappointment that easily, how many other less-than-innocent glances had the man noticed over the past week? Still, embarrassment hadn’t made him any better at lying. “…I’d like that, yes.”

“I’ll switch off the light first, then.”

“All right.”

Once the bedroom was dark and Si-woon had shed the pajama top and settled under the covers beside him, Je-hee reached over to stroke the warm knuckles of his hand. “Will you tell me a little more about yourself tonight?”

Lately, lying together in the quiet before sleep, Si-woon had begun sharing small pieces of his past. Even when speaking of hardships that made Je-hee’s chest ache, his low voice remained steady and unadorned—recounting how he had lost both parents while still a boy, how his older sister had sacrificed to put a roof over his head until he graduated high school, and how he had spent the past eight years working day and night to save up a jeonse deposit, only to have it wiped out in a compulsory property auction.

How much is one decent person supposed to endure in a single lifetime? With every quiet sentence, indignation burned hotter in Je-hee’s throat on Si-woon’s behalf, yet Si-woon spoke of the disaster as calmly as if he were summarizing an old news report.

“It felt overwhelming when I first got the court notice… but the remaining housing loan isn’t that large anymore. I should be able to pay off the balance completely very soon.”

“…”

“And the move-out date is mostly sorted out now, too. By early next year, I should have enough set aside to rent a small studio again.”

Knowing that shallow platitudes or open pity would only insult the pride of someone who had fought through all of that on his own, Je-hee said nothing to minimize the struggle. Instead, he pulled Si-woon securely into his arms and pressed his cheek against his hair. “Thank you for telling me about it.”

Not all of Si-woon’s confessions were heavy, either; some of his earnest admissions made Je-hee bite his lip to keep from laughing aloud.

“To be honest, at the beginning… I thought you were strange,” Si-woon murmured against his collarbone. “Actually, I think I was suspicious of you.”

“Suspicious of me?”

“You kept being so kind and saying you liked me, and I couldn’t figure out why someone like you would. Part of me wondered if you were playing a prank on me.”

Did I really come across as that untrustworthy? “And what about now?” Je-hee prompted, amused.

“I still don’t really understand what you see in me. But I like being with you, Je-hee-ssi—so I decided I don’t need to figure out the reason anymore.”

“…You have a habit of saying the most disarming things with a straight face, you know.” Why did there need to be a grand reason? Si-woon was kind to the bone, strikingly handsome in his understated way, and endlessly endearing whenever his guard slipped; listing every reason Je-hee loved him would have kept them up until dawn.

Pulling back an inch in the dark, Si-woon looked straight into his eyes. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you tonight, Je-hee-ssi.”

“…?”

“How long are you going to keep speaking so formally to me?”

Caught off guard by the question, Je-hee blinked and smiled. “Hmm. Maybe until you drop the polite speech with me, too?”

Lowering his lashes, Si-woon mulled that over for several seconds before giving a small nod, though he didn’t look entirely satisfied with the stalemate. Then, after taking a deeper breath, he added more quietly, “And… there’s one more thing I wasn’t sure how to bring up…”

“Hm? What is it?”

“I want to sleep with you.”

“Sleep toge—wait, what?” Freezing in place, Je-hee stared at him through the dim light. “Did I… hear you right just now?”

“Yes.”

Je-hee had naturally imagined that physical intimacy would enter the picture eventually, yet eventually had always felt several cautious steps down the road. “Si-woon-ssi, if you’re only offering that because you feel obligated or think I’m expecting it—”

“I’m saying it because I want to.”

“…”

“Please.”

Seeing that solemn, unwavering expression inches from his face made sweat prickle at the back of Je-hee’s neck. “Wait a second—we’re seeing each other. Why are you asking me as if you’re petitioning for a favor? If it’s something we both want, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

“Oh. If you aren’t ready for that yet—”

“No! That’s not it at all.” Turning his burning face slightly aside—should I have pretended to deliberate for at least three seconds first?—Je-hee cleared his throat. “I… I want that too.”

Only then did Si-woon’s tense features relax into a bright, unguarded smile. “I’ve never done this with anyone before, so I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it… but I’ll do my best.”

Please don’t treat going to bed with me like an exam you need to study for. Worrying his lower lip against the overwhelming wave of affection crowding his chest, Je-hee drew him down for a kiss.

* * *