Chapter 48

He didn’t hear the news about Nathan until two days later. Even though it was Monday and he was expected at practice, Alex remained buried in bed. The terrifying realization that he might actually commit murder if he saw David’s face was a primary factor. If he caused a massive scene, it would not only result in his expulsion from the team but might also provoke David into targeting Nathan again.

Nothing had improved. Everything was stalled in a suffocating deadlock. He loathed his own existence, a pathetic boy with no power, no connections, and no money. Never in his life had he felt the agonizing sting of his own wretched circumstances so acutely.

As he lay staring blankly out the window, his phone vibrated. Alex, drained of all energy, only forced himself up after the device buzzed several times in rapid succession. Even though he knew it was impossible, a tiny, foolish part of him hoped it was Nathan. Checking the screen, he saw a notification for a newly created group chat. Inside were Tina and Jude.

—Tina: Alex, did you hear what happened to Nathan?

—Jude: They say Nathan is transferring schools…

Two messages popped up back to back. At the word ‘transferring,’ Alex bolted upright.

—Alex: Transferring?

His heart plummeted into his stomach.

—Tina: Yeah, something must have happened on Saturday. Nathan’s older brother—the lawyer—called to ask us about it. Didn’t he contact you?

—Jude: You’re his closest friend. What’s going on? I’m so worried. Nathan won’t even answer his phone.

—Tina: His brother said Nathan refused to explain what happened, so he wanted to ask us instead.

His mind went completely blank. Dragging a trembling hand down his face, Alex realized with crushing clarity that Nathan hadn’t told a single soul he was involved. The moment that truth settled in, a sensation he couldn’t articulate tore through him. A desperate, blazing hope flared in his chest, only to plunge him straight into the deepest abyss of hell a second later.

—Alex: He didn’t contact me.

Alex typed out the short sentence with agonizing slowness.

—Tina: Really? Why? Let’s go see Nathan right away, Alex. He must be so devastated. You know his dream was to become a police officer, but apparently, because of this incident, he’s decided to go to med school instead.

—Jude: So he’s moving to Oxford to redo his Sixth Form at Cardiff College.

—Tina: We’re planning to go see him tomorrow. Come with us, Alex.

The words blurred together into an incomprehensible mess. At the revelation that Nathan was abandoning his dream of becoming a police officer, Alex felt as if a rusted nail had been driven straight through his heart. Suffocating guilt flooded his veins. He couldn’t even begin to gauge the catastrophic extent to which he had ruined Nathan’s life.

He never should have been so greedy. He never should have let himself fall for the boy just because he was kind to him. Where did it all go wrong? Was it the day he experienced his rut at Nathan’s house? No. He never should have approached Nathan in the first place. He shouldn’t have greeted him, shouldn’t have even acknowledged his existence. If Alex Yeon had never existed in his orbit, Nathan would have lived a perfectly ordinary, happy life.

—Alex: I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can go.

—Jude: Is football practice that busy?

Jude was worrying about him, entirely oblivious to the absolute garbage human being Alex truly was.

—Alex: No.

He recalled yesterday. Drawing up the memory of his own face spitting cruel, venomous words at Nathan, Alex slowly turned his head to look at his desk. The neatly arranged items caught his eye.

Nathan had only ever given to him, but instead of returning that warmth, Alex had repaid him with nothing but agonizing scars. A monster like him had absolutely no right to stand by Nathan’s side. It was the only pathetic solution his idiotic brain could conjure, but ultimately, he concluded that this was for the best.

Turning back to his phone, Alex typed out a single, definitive sentence that would completely sever his ties with Nathan.

—Alex: We’re not friends anymore.

The chat room fell deathly silent. With a numb, hollow heart, Alex continued typing.

—Alex: Because I committed a terrible wrong against him.

Tina, Jude, and Nathan, they were all incredibly good people. The only rotten, defective piece in the puzzle was Alex. He had wedged himself into a group where he didn’t belong, foolishly deluding himself into believing he had earned a place among them.

—Alex: It’s my fault he ended up like that. I did it. I’m sorry.

—Jude: What does that mean?

—Alex: I made a terrible choice, and Nathan got dragged into it.

Leaving it at that, Alex offered his final farewell.

—Alex: I’m sorry. Take care of yourselves.

With that, he exited the chat room. Tina and Jude had been Nathan’s friends from the very beginning. Since Alex was the one who had committed an unforgivable sin against their shared friend, he had permanently forfeited his right to stand among them.

Ignoring his vibrating phone, Alex pushed himself out of bed. Moving with the stiff, mechanical precision of a robot, he showered, changed his clothes, and walked out the door.

The second he arrived at the training grounds, Alex marched straight onto the pitch. Amidst the players already deep into their drills, he spotted David Mack’s face. Seeing the older boy participating in practice with such an infuriatingly unbothered expression sent Alex’s fury skyrocketing.

Ignoring the coach who was already shouting at him for his tardiness, Alex made a beeline for David. Seeing Alex storm toward him, David merely offered a sickeningly sweet smile.

“You made it?”

That shameless, casual greeting was the final straw. Completely tuning out the coach’s escalating roars, Alex grabbed David by the arm. Perhaps sensing that Alex was fully prepared to tackle him to the dirt and drag him by force, David obediently followed him off the pitch. The moment they stepped into the building’s corridor, Alex shoved David with every ounce of genuine, murderous intent he possessed. Slamming hard against the wall, David stumbled briefly before righting himself.

“Delete the photo.”

“A bit aggressive for a morning greeting, aren’t we?”

“I cut him off just like you wanted, so delete the fucking photo.”

Alex grabbed him by the collar. Yet despite the violence, David maintained his placid, mocking smile.

“I can’t just take your word for it. I’ll delete it once I’ve had time to observe and confirm it.”

“Who else has it?”

“Ask Jessica Bundy. Though I highly doubt they’d listen to a nobody like you.”

Alex slammed his fist into the wall, mere inches from David’s face, as the boy spouted his arrogant bullshit. Suppressing the visceral urge to cave his face in, Alex seethed.

“Unlike you, I actually keep my promises.”

Forcefully peeling Alex’s hand off his collar, David shoved him back. Alex stumbled slightly but refused to retreat, glaring daggers at the older boy.

“Date Ian quietly until he gets bored of you. When he decides he wants to throw you away, I’ll delete it then. I’ll take care of whatever Jessica Bundy and the others have, too.” David leaned closer, his voice dropping. “And don’t get any stupid ideas. Unlike the police, who need an official report to actually do anything, I have a very wide variety of friends at my disposal.”

Listening to David spout threats masquerading as comforting advice, something deep inside Alex finally snapped. Before he could register the impulse, his fist flew forward. The viciously thrown punch connected squarely with David’s jaw. The sickening sensation of skin crushing against hard cheekbone transferred straight through his knuckles. It was the first time in his entire life that he had ever punched another human being.

Just as the altercation was about to explode into a full-blown brawl, the coach, who had chased them inside, rushed over with a booming shout. Several teammates piled in, physically restraining Alex as he lunged desperately at David again. Wiping the blood trickling from his busted nose, David looked at Alex and smirked.

“Do you really think the bullshit you’re pulling right now is for your brother’s sake?” Alex roared, thrashing wildly against the arms holding him back.

“Of course I do.”

“No, it’s not. You just want to play God and mess with me. You just wait, I’m not going to let this go!”

“But Alex, what could you possibly do?”

Stepping casually toward the restrained boy, David poked him hard in the chest with his index finger.

“You have no money, and you have no power.”

Laughing with unrestrained mockery, David strolled right past him.

When his teammates anxiously asked if he was okay, David flashed his signature, pristine smile and spouted some absolute garbage about it being a simple misunderstanding. Watching him saunter out the door, a hollow, broken laugh escaped Alex’s lips.

Alex continued to chuckle darkly like a madman before violently shaking off the two players holding him and standing tall on his own two feet. The coach was staring at him, his face flushed a furious crimson.

“What the hell is going through your head, Alex Yeon! You skip practice all last week, and the second you show up, you start a brawl? Do you even want to play football or not?”

Alex stood perfectly still, meeting the coach’s furious gaze. This was a man he had once desperately wanted to impress, but now he was just sick of him. Sick of this place, sick of this situation, and sick of the people who only ever chased after what was right in front of them, leaving him completely and utterly alone.

“No, I don’t.”

He had sacrificed Nathan for a sport he didn’t even truly want to play anymore. There was absolutely no reason to continue. Alex simply wasn’t shameless enough to reap the benefits of his position after committing such an unforgivable sin. He knew it wasn’t a rational choice.

But so what? I’ve already ruined everything anyway.

“I quit.”

The coach scowled, staring at him in disbelief. Without waiting for a response, Alex turned his back and walked straight out of the corridor.

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