Chapter 43

On the train back to London, Alex left David a firm refusal via Facebook messenger, stating clearly that he still intended to meet Ian on Saturday as planned, if only to deliver his rejection in person.

David read the message but did not reply. Wondering if the silence meant the older boy had finally backed off, yet still feeling a lingering unease, Alex checked the chat window whenever he had a spare moment. However, David remained completely silent until Saturday arrived.

In the meantime, Alex and Nathan had begun texting far more frequently. Sometimes Alex initiated the conversation; other times, Nathan reached out first. Alex had always been prone to lighting up whenever he exchanged messages with Nathan, but now, merely seeing the boy’s name on his screen brought a wide smile to his face.

The memory of Nathan confessing his feelings, followed naturally by the moment they shared that kiss, played on a constant, delightful loop in his mind.

In truth, Alex had spent the entirety of the last three days replaying the events in Brighton. He could dwell on that night from dawn until dusk and never tire of it; if anything, the flutter in his chest only grew stronger with each passing hour.

Whatever unresolved doubts he had previously felt regarding Nathan’s behavior vanished swiftly. Unlike before, Nathan now replied to his texts rapidly, and with the frequency and volume of their conversations increasing, Alex simply basked in the euphoric difference.

If I reject Ian today and ask Nathan to properly date me, how much more will things change?

Will we… get to kiss again?

Just the thought made his neck burn bright red with embarrassment. Pressing his lips tightly together, he stepped off the bus.

Following the day they fought in the locker room, David Mack had left a threatening message on Facebook, reiterating his demand for Alex to cut ties with Nathan and properly confess to Ian, dictating that they meet at Piccadilly Circus. David had unilaterally declared it a date, but true to the message he had already sent, Alex fully intended to reject Ian and leave immediately upon arriving. He had already told Nathan that he would drop by his house later today.

Alex debated whether he should have brought flowers or something similar, but came to a halt the moment he spotted Ian standing near the subway station. The lightness in his heart vanished, instantly replaced by a leaden weight. Regardless of how infuriating David’s actions were, Ian himself hadn’t done anything wrong. Moreover, Alex now understood intimately just how much courage it took to confess your feelings to someone. Rejecting someone who had mustered such bravery was far more agonizing than he had ever imagined.

“Ah, hello,” Ian greeted.

Ian looked up from the ground and spotted him, the boy’s delicate face, framed by soft brown hair, clouded with gloom. Seeing his crestfallen expression, Alex immediately felt a pang of guilt.

“Hey. Have you been waiting long?” Alex asked.

“No. I just got here too.”

Ian closed his mouth, letting the sentence hang. Alex scanned their surroundings, quickly concluding that the bustling station entrance was an awkward place for this conversation. Fortunately, just a short distance down from Piccadilly, there was a quiet, hidden little park.

“Want to walk?” Alex suggested, his voice stiff.

Ian simply nodded. “Okay.”

The two began to walk in silence. While waiting for the signal at a crosswalk, Alex felt Ian’s pheromones tickling against him from the side. Pheromones were stranger than he had ever given them credit for. The way his body reacted on pure instinct, long before his brain could even process a thought, was a primal phenomenon profoundly difficult to articulate.

Uncomfortable with the sensation, Alex subtly widened the distance between them.

At that exact moment, Ian broke the silence.

“I know you’re going to reject me.”

His voice was calm and composed, quiet yet crystalline in the air. Startled, Alex glanced down at him. Ian met his gaze for a fleeting second before turning his head away just as the light changed. Ian began to cross first, leaving a flustered Alex to trail closely behind.

“Still, I think confessing was better than doing nothing at all,” Ian murmured, his head bowed as the depressive shadow over his features deepened.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said softly.

“It’s okay.”

“I’m truly sorry.”

Ultimately, that was the only way it could end. The apology was an inevitable necessity. Walking in the opposite direction of the bustling crowds brushing past them, Ian continued to speak.

“I was really sick when I was little. Up until I reached elementary school, I was constantly ill. They said it wasn’t a major disease, but I was too weak to even run around and play… That’s why my brother takes care of me so much. To me, he’s a really good older brother.”

He was talking about David Mack. Caught off guard by the unexpected defense, Alex faltered.

“It might look a bit strange to other people, but because of that, my brother tries to do whatever I want. I think that’s why he acted that way toward you, Alex.”

Alex scowled. Recalling the things David had done still made fury boil in his veins, but acknowledging that the older boy had his own tragic motivations, Alex remained silent.

“But…” Ian began, the succeeding word carrying an ominous weight. “Even if he’s a good brother to me… that doesn’t mean everything he does can be forgiven. Right?”

Ian came to a dead halt, his face etched with anxiety. Alex knew that look. It was the exact expression people wore right before they delivered terrible news. His mother had worn that very same face when she announced her divorce.

Forcing his dry mouth open, Alex barely managed to speak. “What happened, Ian?”

“I overheard my brother on the phone with someone yesterday.” Ian clasped his hands tightly together, as if he were the one who had committed a grave sin. Profound sorrow rippled across his youthful face. “Your name came up a few times, Alex-hyung… and then they started talking about someone named Nathan.”

Ian’s voice began to tremble. His breathing grew erratic, hitching as if a sob was fighting to claw its way out.

The instant he heard the name ‘Nathan’, Alex’s mind went completely blank. A horrifying silence enveloped him, as if time itself had frozen. It took several excruciating seconds for Alex to register the deafening roar of the city traffic slamming into his eardrums. A violent shudder ripped down his spine.

“My brother, he sometimes hangs out with people who look really bad, and I, um, I think my brother was on the phone with those friends of his. I-I’m so sorry. Whenever my brother gets really angry… it’s scary.”

Ian finally broke down, tears spilling freely down his cheeks as he choked out his apologies. “I didn’t k-know that liking you would turn into something like this, Alex-hyung.”

Unable to even sob properly, Ian aggressively wiped at his damp cheeks. Alex stared at the young boy, feeling a violently conflicting surge of pity and pure hatred. But really, what fault did Ian have in any of this?

If anything, the blame lay entirely with Alex.

Swallowing back a wave of nausea, Alex spoke in a hushed tone. “Ian, it’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Ian, can you give me David’s number?”

Every instinct screamed at him to sprint to Nathan immediately, but he couldn’t just abandon a crying Ian in the middle of the street. Swallowing his sobs, Ian nodded. With trembling hands, the boy pulled out his phone and offered it. Because Alex had only ever contacted David through Facebook, securing his actual phone number was paramount.

Biting back a string of curses, Alex punched the digits into his own phone. Hitting the call button, he reached out and grabbed Ian’s arm. Perhaps he hadn’t controlled his strength, because Ian let out a short, pained yelp.

Damn it!

Swamped by a surge of self-loathing, Alex hastily apologized.

“Sorry. I’m just in a rush… Ian, I think I need to go. Will you be okay taking a taxi back?”

“H-hic, yes, I’ll be fine,” Ian replied bravely.

Guiding Ian back toward the road, Alex threw his hand up to hail a cab, all while anxiously listening to the phone ring. David didn’t pick up on the first try. Staring at the disconnected screen, Alex immediately dialed again.

A taxi finally pulled up. This time, Alex dialed Nathan’s number. As if actively trying to drive him insane, Nathan didn’t answer either. Alex was on the verge of losing his mind.

Panic set in. Alex wrenched the taxi door open and practically shoved Ian inside, entirely lacking the bandwidth to comfort the boy as he repeatedly mumbled his apologies.

He called Nathan three consecutive times, but the calls went straight to voicemail. His heart hammered a frantic, terrified rhythm against his ribs. Scrubbing his cold, sweat-slicked palms against his jeans, Alex dialed David one more time while simultaneously trying to calculate the absolute fastest route to Nathan’s house. After a brief second of agonized calculation, Alex decided to catch another cab. But unlike when he hailed Ian’s ride, an empty taxi was nowhere to be found.

He’ll be fine.

He formulated the thought, but it offered absolutely zero comfort. He just desperately wanted to believe it. He had never even entertained the nightmare that something might happen to Nathan. This was a conflict strictly between David and Alex. The very premise that David would drag Nathan into their crossfire had been entirely beyond his comprehension.

Amidst his spiraling terror, just a second before the call was about to disconnect, David finally picked up.