Chapter 35

Nathan stared at the phone he’d left face-down beside his desk before glancing at the clock.

It was 2:00 p.m. Propping his chin in his hand, he finally reached for the device. He hadn’t heard from Alex in two days.

Initiating a text or making the first call wasn’t Nathan’s usual way of doing things. He generally communicated only when necessary, and if he wanted to see someone, he preferred the directness of meeting in person, an easy enough feat during the school year when they saw each other daily. But with summer break in full swing and Alex buried in training, even that had become difficult.

Nathan realized now, with a clarity that was both sobering and expected, that Alex had always been the one to reach out first. He had known this intellectually, but this was the first time the truth of it actually stung.

The shift had occurred the moment Nathan admitted to himself that he “liked” Alex.

Finding himself staring at his phone, waiting for a message that wouldn’t come, was an entirely foreign experience. He craved the texts Alex used to send incessantly. Previously, a week could go by without a word and he wouldn’t have blinked, but now the silence was deafening. This was a first in Nathan’s life. He had never felt this specific kind of restlessness, not even with his past girlfriends. He had never felt the ache of a void before.

Is something wrong?

The thought had been gnawing at him since yesterday. Images of Alex’s face from two days ago kept flickering in his mind, fueling a desperate desire to see him again. He remembered how Alex had looked, utterly flustered and undone, the moment Nathan touched the back of his hand. He could still recall the soft, subtle scent that always seemed to radiate from him.

Nathan had been awake that night, listening to the rustle of the sheets as Alex fidgeted beside him. He had fought back the sudden, sharp impulses that threatened to overwhelm his composure, the urge to reach out and pull Alex into a firm embrace, to bury his nose in the crook of the boy’s neck just to breathe him in. He had wanted to see if he could somehow find a trace of those pheromones his Beta biology would never allow him to truly perceive.

He had closed his eyes tight to suppress that hunger, only finding sleep in the small hours of the morning, lulled by the thought of how endearing Alex was in his obvious agitation. When Nathan woke, hoping to see that face again, Alex was already gone.

Nathan ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair and stared at his messages, eventually scrolling back through their entire history, one text at a time. Driven by a sudden, sharp need to see him, he began leafing through the photos in their group chat.

Alex was undeniably handsome, but “cute” always felt like the more appropriate descriptor. He had the soul of a puppy. It was an odd comparison for Nathan to make, considering he wasn’t particularly fond of dogs or cats.

After a moment of hesitation, Nathan dialed the number. He didn’t call often, but he had Alex’s digits memorized. The act of reaching out first felt clumsy, yet the prospect of hearing Alex’s voice was worth the awkwardness.

He switched the call to speaker and pulled his hand away from his chin. A strange tension gripped him, prompting him to sit up straight and idly trace the edges of the workbook he’d been ignoring. The phone rang for a long time. Just as the call was about to time out, Alex finally picked up.

Isn’t he supposed to be training right now?

Despite the thought, a faint smile was already tugging at Nathan’s lips. “Hey.”

―Nathan?

Alex’s voice sounded startled. Nathan felt the corners of his mouth turn up further. “Is it okay to call?”

―Oh, yeah. Is something the matter?

Alex still sounded breathless with surprise, likely because Nathan had never been the one to initiate a call.

“No.” Nathan listened to the soft sound of Alex’s breathing through the line before continuing. “I just wanted to see you.”

Was that… too much? Nathan wondered belatedly. He had spoken without his usual hesitation, but it was the truth, and Nathan had no hobby for speaking in riddles.

―You… you want to see me?

“Yeah.”

―I… I felt the same way.

There it was again. Nathan pressed a hand to his chest, struggling to identify whether the sensation was pain or a maddening tickle. Every time he heard words like that, a dull ache radiated through his ribs, so unfamiliar that he had to go silent for a moment, his heart swelling with a longing that only grew more intense.

“Have you been busy?”

―Not really, but…

Alex’s response trailed off, sounding inexplicably despondent. Nathan lowered his eyes. Despite his usual indifference to the emotions of others, he had always been uncannily sensitive to Alex’s moods. Perhaps it was because the image of Alex’s tear-stained face on the day they met had carved a permanent place in his memory. He couldn’t read Alex’s mind, but if he paid close enough attention, he could usually sense when something was amiss.

Detecting the subtle, heavy slump in Alex’s voice was the best Nathan could do. He could practically see the expression Alex was wearing, even if the reason behind it remained a mystery.

“Tell me what it is.”

―It’s nothing. Really, nothing happened.

Alex’s breath hitched slightly over the receiver.

“Alex.” Nathan called his name softly.

―Nate… if I… if I made a mistake or something… would you still forgive me?

Nathan paused to consider what kind of mistake Alex could possibly mean. He categorized them into two types: those that involved him and those that didn’t. Without any specifics, Nathan relied on his gut. He realized there was very little Alex could do that would make Nathan hate him or even truly feel disappointed. He simply didn’t want to feel those things toward him.

“Yes.”

―I’m glad.

Alex fell silent after that, but the sadness still clung to his voice. It bothered Nathan. He wanted Alex to be happy, not miserable. Alex was always so radiant when they were together, and Nathan found himself suddenly wishing that the boy would never be anything less.

What should I do?

Frowning slightly, Nathan rubbed the space between his eyebrows before letting his hand drop. “Are you busy today?”

―Today? No, I’m free.

“What time is your training tomorrow?”

Alex hesitated at the mention of football, his voice wavering. ―Around noon.

That should work. Nathan pondered for a few more seconds. He had never once felt nervous about giving a presentation or doing anything on his own, yet this simple, mundane suggestion was making his heart race. He bit his lip, currently much redder than usual, and finally spoke.

“Then, do you want to go somewhere with me today?”

Nathan never lacked for pocket money. His older brother was a high earner and had always insisted on supporting the household generously, even before he had married his current husband. Nathan figured they could go now and catch the last train back.

―With you?

“With you.”

Alex asked as if he couldn’t believe his ears, but his answer came back thick with careful hope. ―Yeah, I’d love to.

His voice was noticeably brighter than before. The subtle shift made Nathan’s eyes crinkle as he smiled. The volatility of his own emotions was starting to feel bizarre, yet the change wasn’t unwelcome. “I’ll see you at Victoria Station in two hours.”

―Got it. See you then, Nathan.

Nathan didn’t hang up first. Alex seemed slightly confused by the continued connection.

―Aren’t you going to hang up?

“No.” Nathan knew he was overusing the thought, but… he’s just too cute. “You hang up first.”

He heard Alex take a sharp, shallow breath and suddenly wished he were standing right there to see the flustered look on his face. Alex stammered out a final farewell.

―Bye…

The line finally went dead a few seconds later. Nathan let out a low chuckle and stood up from his desk. He had plenty of time before they were supposed to meet, but an inexplicable sense of urgency began to propel his movements.

☂