Chapter 19

Had the flames killed him first, burning him alive in what was said to be the most agonizing death imaginable? Or had the falling pillar crushed him before the fire could finish the job?

Unfortunately, both deaths had left their traces behind.

His skin and organs seemed to boil all over again amid the acrid smoke, while the remembered agony of being crushed assaulted him at the same time. Unable to endure it, Jeong Yu-su curled tightly into himself and forced the same words through his mind again and again.

No. It’s over. You died. You’ve already endured that pain.

Trembling from head to toe, Jeong Yu-su struggled to open his eyes. His previous deaths had taught him that it was better to recognize reality as quickly as possible, since doing so helped disperse the phantom pain.

He tried once, then twice. On the third attempt, his eyelids finally opened.

“…”

Brutal sunlight flooded his rigid pupils.

Jeong Yu-su frowned and gulped down several short, ragged breaths before examining his surroundings.

He was in the sleeping quarters on the fortieth floor.

It was 1:00 p.m.

He appeared to have returned to the moment after they reached the lounge the previous day, when he and Do Muwon had lain down in separate beds to rest before climbing the wall.

Across the room, Do Muwon was either asleep or simply resting. His chest rose and fell in a slow, steady rhythm.

Hh…

A low whimper escaped Yu-su as he dragged himself upright and drove his fist into the bed. His fingernails dug into his palm, and the shock of real pain jolted his mind awake.

Even then, he could not calm himself.

He was furious.

He hated believing it. He hated surrendering to it. It felt as though he had been trapped inside some malicious joke, one in which escape had finally come within reach, only to be snatched away at the last possible second.

He loathed the fate that kept driving him toward death.

Just a little.

Wouldn’t it have been enough for the helicopter to move only a little differently?

Once he had regained his composure, Jeong Yu-su tried again.

And he died again.

He flashed lights at the approaching helicopters. He screamed through portable microphones and speakers. He gathered scraps of paper and arranged them into enormous letters. He even, in Do Muwon’s words, “went crazy out of nowhere and started acting like a complete lunatic.”

Nothing he did could prevent the collision.

Ha…

A hollow breath slipped from his lips.

Are you telling me to keep dying? To struggle like this, only to die over and over again?

Once more, the woman’s curse pierced through the ringing in his ears.

“Jeong Yu-su! You’ll regret this. You… you’ll live such a miserable life that you’ll wish you were dead!”

Yu-su clamped both hands over his ears and curled into a tight ball.

He remained that way for a long time.

Only after his ragged breathing had finally steadied did Jeong Yu-su lift his head. He fumbled through his pocket, pulled out his phone, and switched it on.

The dark screen brightened, revealing the photograph he had set as his wallpaper.

Yu-su stared at the image. It showed a pair of twins with shaved heads, dressed in hospital gowns and locked in an embrace, alongside their younger sister, whose resemblance to him was striking. Everyone in the picture was beaming except Yu-su, who wore a faint, almost embarrassed smile.

His fingertips trembling, Yu-su stroked the screen and bit down on his lip.

I swore I would live.

He would survive and prove that the decision he had made back then was the right one. Perhaps the loop was the universe’s way of telling him to cling to life with everything he had.

Right. If I were meant to die, I wouldn’t have been trapped in a loop like this. Today is a “new today.” Even if I die tomorrow, I’m still alive right now.

“Jeong Yu-su?”

Yu-su flinched and looked up. “Oh… you’re awake?”

“What were you rustling around for?” Roused by Yu-su’s movements, Muwon wiped the sleep from his face. “Did you get any sleep?”

Yu-su switched off his phone and discreetly wiped his bloodstained palm, hiding the crescent wounds his own fingernails had carved into the flesh. “Yeah. I slept a little.”

“Good. I’m going to wash up.”

“Okay.”

Yu-su watched Muwon walk away, his thoughts churning.

I have to go down if I want to escape the building.

As that thought hardened into certainty, Yu-su suppressed a sigh and squeezed his eyes shut. The point of no return had finally arrived.

Until now, he could still have cobbled together a lie.

He could claim he had moved so quickly because he knew the building well. He could say he had chosen the correct elevator because he had taken the lead and happened to get lucky. He could insist that he had simply read the situation clearly.

That would no longer work. The rooftop was right in front of them, and they had already agreed to head up there. What possible excuse could he offer to persuade Do Muwon now?

How was he supposed to tell Muwon that they should forget the rooftop, where the rescue helicopter was supposed to arrive, and instead descend the building without warning before fleeing as far away as they could?

If their positions were reversed and Muwon suddenly suggested going down to the ground floor, Yu-su would not agree either. Even if he did, he would demand a reason.

“…”

Yu-su rose and crossed the room, stopping beside the window to peer down at the city below.

According to his final memories of the previous loop, this building would collapse. Debris would crash into the adjacent building and trigger a chain reaction, crushing the surrounding structures and transforming the entire area into a ruined sea of fire.

If they did not go down, they would die. Even if they stayed where they were and failed to put enough distance between themselves and the building, they would still die.

This is so frustrating…

The absurdity of the loop was an enormous anomaly, far too crushing a burden for one person to bear alone. How many times had he felt as though he were losing his mind, the truth bubbling and boiling inside him while he remained unable to tell another soul?

Yu-su pressed his forehead against the cold glass, struggling to swallow the tangled emotions choking him, when a voice came from behind.

“What’s wrong?” Muwon asked. “Why are you brooding by yourself again?”

“…Do Muwon.”

“Yeah?”

“Come here.”

At Yu-su’s beckoning gesture, Muwon stepped closer.

His tall, broad shadow fell over Yu-su and swallowed him entirely. Cold winter sunlight rippled through the rest of the lounge, yet Yu-su alone seemed submerged beneath a solid patch of darkness. Within the hushed gloom, only Muwon’s brown eyes caught the light, glinting with fragments of gold. Even the gaze he fixed on Yu-su seemed laden with meanings he kept carefully hidden.

Muwon opened his mouth, clearly about to ask what was wrong, but closed it again without making a sound. Yu-su had stepped closer and laid his palm over Muwon’s large, heated hand.

It was a first. Yu-su had never been the one to reach for him, much less close the distance between them like this.

The long silence finally broke when his pale lips parted.

“We can’t go to the rooftop,” he said, his voice spreading through the room. It was so calm and unnerving that his words felt almost unreal, as if even the dust was pausing to listen, shimmering in the light.

Muwon gave a short, disbelieving laugh, as though he had heard a particularly dull joke, and tried to pull his hand away.

Yu-su refused to release him. “Do Muwon.”

“…”

There was no telling where such strength came from in Yu-su’s pale, bony hand, but he pulled Muwon’s much larger hand firmly toward him.

As the distance between them narrowed, Yu-su’s gaze held him captive with an almost obsessive intensity. Muwon’s eyes flickered, revealing a brief and uncharacteristic trace of confusion.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Muwon demanded. “Make some sense.”

“Every time I die, I go back to the day before. That’s how I know. We die on that rooftop tomorrow.”

“Jeong Yu-su.” Muwon’s initial confusion gradually turned into disbelief. With a hollow laugh, he raised his free hand and flicked Yu-su on the forehead. “You had a nightmare. Just wake up from it.”

“It wasn’t a dream, and I’m not joking.” Yu-su studied Muwon’s still-playful expression before releasing a deep breath. “Do Muwon, I’m serious.” Then he leaned closer, bringing his lips to Muwon’s ear while keeping a tight grip on his hand. “This is a secret. I’m only telling you.”

“…”

The smile vanished from Muwon’s face at once. He had finally remembered what it meant when they clasped hands and whispered to each other like this.

A secret talk.

Back in high school, it had been their private code, born during the days when they poured every frustration and every scrap of loneliness in their hearts into each other. Anything spoken while their hands were joined like this was the absolute truth.

Muwon stood frozen, unable to understand what was happening.

“Think about it,” Yu-su urged.

“Think about… what?”

“The first day of the zombie outbreak. Didn’t I already know you would come through the emergency stairwell?”

Muwon shook his head. “That… Anyone could’ve figured it out if they thought about it.”

“What about yesterday? Why do you think I chose the elevator on the right?”

“Why did you?”

“Because when I took the elevator on the left, a zombie dragged me away and killed me.”

Muwon’s lips parted as though he meant to respond, then slowly pressed together again.

Yu-su continued without blinking. “You thought I seemed strangely accustomed to all this, didn’t you?”

After all, Muwon had said it himself. Yu-su had moved without hesitation, like a machine following commands programmed into it.

“You were right. I’ve searched the thirtieth floor three times.”

“You seriously expect me to fucking believe this…?” Muwon tried to wrench his hand free and rise, but a single sentence stopped him cold.

“You told me you don’t know who your father is.”