Chapter 37

“It’s not true,” Shin said with a ragged sigh. “Nothing like that ever happened.”

His low voice carried a heavy, crushing tone of utter exhaustion and bitter resignation.

Exhaling sharply into his hands, Shin explained, “I said that purely for my father to hear. With a blind date? That’s utter nonsense…”

When he spoke those words, he had considered that someone might overhear and pass it along. That was why he took pains to ensure no identifiable details about the partner were mentioned, never dreaming Se-woong would be the one listening. How long ago had that even been?

‘Then why did you bother testing whether you matched?’

Ah. So that was why Se-woong had made that remark in the car on the way to the safehouse. Wearing such an indifferent, unbothered expression, he had been turning those words over and over in his mind in secret.

Shin slowly lifted his tightly shut eyelids. Swallowing the surging turmoil in his chest, his lips twitched with faint tremors.

“Se-woong-ah,” Shin called out softly.

The image of his lover remained reflected clearly in Se-woong’s deep, shadowed eyes. Yet how on earth could he possibly have acted as though none of it mattered?

Shin looked at him, his voice trembling. “You thought I slept with another woman… and you were okay with that?”

The muffled words forcing their way through his trembling fingers were heavy with unspeakable sorrow.

“You believed I slept with another woman, yet you still worked beside me, ate meals with me, and managed to smile into my face?” Shin demanded in disbelief.

As contorted with anguish as Shin’s features were, Se-woong’s own face was equally flooded with confusion.

“Just wondering whether you might sleep with someone else makes me feel like I’m losing my mind,” Shin rasped, his chest heaving, “and you endured that all this time?”

How could he possibly have been okay? That day, after witnessing Shin and his father in the parking garage, Se-woong had abandoned his duties and walked out of headquarters for the first time in his career. Though he had stayed late more times than he could count, leaving early without a single word was completely unprecedented.

His mind had gone blank with shock. Wandering aimlessly without knowing where to go or what to do, he had drunk alone at a street cart. Knowing that if he didn’t see someone he would end up confronting Shin, he had sought out Hyun-woo instead. In the end, he had crossed paths with Shin again that night. Listening to him claim he had slept with another woman had shattered his insides with betrayal and bitter sorrow, yet because he still loved Shin so deeply, his entire future had looked pitch black.

His gaze drilling into him, Shin pleaded, “You should have asked me. You should have confronted me and demanded to know if I slept with someone else!”

“How could I confront you? You were the one who insisted we just be friends, and you were constantly going on matchmaking dates. It looked like you were sorting everything out with crisp precision, so how was I supposed to demand why you were sleeping with someone else? How could I possibly do that?” Se-woong retorted, voice breaking.

Shin gripped the sofa cushion with white knuckles. “Demand it! Confront me! Stop keeping your mouth shut like it’s all over and driving me out of my mind! Just confront me!”

Seated at an angle on the carpet, Se-woong pivoted his entire body to face him directly. Looking up at Shin on the sofa, the slight tremor running through the man’s jaw was the first detail that entered his vision.

“Woong-ah,” Shin murmured, his tone cracking with raw vulnerability, “is it because you loved me less… or were you truly okay with it?”

Gazing down at him, Shin appeared genuinely desperate. Even when they had agreed to break up, Shin had maintained an aura of composed composure, but right now he wore the look of an abandoned child stripped of everything, on the verge of tears.

Se-woong pressed his cheek against Shin’s knee, resting his head there. The firm bone supporting his weight brought a familiar, grounding stability. Even amidst this turmoil, the hand stroking his hair remained achingly gentle, causing Se-woong’s jaw to clench with unbearable emotion.

“…I’m not okay. That’s why I’m losing my mind too,” Se-woong admitted softly.

At the frail, trembling admission, the hand caressing his hair gradually slowed to a halt.

Could we really not just stay together like this, with no one ever finding out?

Just as Shin had said recently, neither of them was going to get married anyway, nor could they openly introduce their relationship to their families. Would it really be so bad to remain glued to each other’s side, appearing to the outside world as nothing more than intimate friends?

In truth, that was precisely how they had begun. He hadn’t cared if no one ever acknowledged them, fully confident they would never be caught. Yet Hyun-woo had found out, and Min-hyung had noticed as well. If Shin had possessed a wider circle of close confidants, perhaps even more people would have uncovered their secret by now.

What was worse, their families were now deeply entangled. If their relationship were exposed by even the slimmest chance, not only Se-woong but also his second brother would be dragged through the mud. Shin’s sister would suffer the exact same fate.

And yet.

Looking up into his eyes, Se-woong whispered, “Shin-ah… do you want to sleep together?”

Could we not just turn a blind eye to all of this and sleep together just once?

Could we not push our breaths to the absolute limit, defer everything until tomorrow, and just fall deeply asleep wrapped in his warmth? Just like old times, for even a single day?

Throughout his romance with Shin, happiness and dread had crossed paths without pause.

Taking naps together on holidays, stubbornly showing off over spicy food, picking out continuity flaws in boring movies, and betting on who could hang from a pull-up bar longer to win dinner. Every passing day had been filled with joy, losing all track of time over the simplest of conversations.

Yet behind this trivial happiness, a chilling anxiety had always coexisted like an inescapable shadow.

A romance between two men approaching marriageable age had no alternatives. Even when the two of them simply went to an ordinary restaurant for a bowl of rice soup, they were met with well-meaning banter like, ‘You two should be bringing your girlfriends instead.’

Each time, they were forced to confront their harsh reality, yet their shared happiness was so immense that they had spent years willfully ignoring that unease.

At times, it felt as though the entire world—down to the very pebbles scattered across the pavement—was declaring that they could never be permitted. It was staggering to bear.

The reasons why they could never remain lovers were endless, while the reason why they had to be lovers could neither be seen nor proven. That was an immutable truth that would never change.

And yet.

Like one of those countless blissful days, could I not just forget reality for a moment and stay by Shin’s side? Just for one single day.

Just as he had done for nearly a decade, Se-woong yearned to press their skin together and share that feverish heat. He longed to sink into a dreamless slumber, knowing that once he awoke, it would all feel like a dream anyway. It was a cowardly greed.

Raising his head to look at Shin, Se-woong pushed up from the floor with his knees, bringing his gaze level with the man seated on the sofa.

The haze of alcohol had vanished entirely.

Cupping Shin’s jaw with both palms, Se-woong tilted his head and pressed his lips against the other man’s. After resting quietly against the rough texture, he used his thumb and forefinger to pinch the corners of Shin’s mouth, intending to coax them apart. Usually, ten times out of ten, a hundred times out of a hundred, Shin would willingly part his lips to take him in. Today, however, possessing no intention of yielding, his firmly sealed mouth showed no sign of opening.

“Shin-ah,” Se-woong coaxed softly against his cheek, “open up.”

Despite the plaintive entreaty, Shin kept his lips resolutely clamped shut.

Left with no choice, Se-woong drew himself higher. Climbing onto the cushions, he parted his knees and straddled Shin’s lap, pressing their lower bodies flush together. A gravelly rasp scraped from the back of Shin’s throat. With those stubborn lips still refusing to part, there was only one thing left to do: persist with everything he had.

Draping both arms around Shin’s neck, Se-woong eagerly brushed his lips against the tense mouth. He licked the corners of his lips and nudged the seam with the tip of his tongue, but Shin only clamped down harder in stubborn defiance.

“Don’t be like this, Shin-ah,” Se-woong pleaded between breathless kisses.

Se-woong had intended to slip his tongue inside the instant Shin opened his mouth to reply, but the perceptive officer refused to fall for the trick. His gaze remained unwavering and severe.

A sudden pang of dread seized Se-woong, wondering if he was forcing intimacy onto someone who possessed no desire for him. He no longer had alcohol to fuel his boldness. Yet just as he hesitated, a dense, scorching mass pressed against the inside of his thigh. While arousal did not necessarily signify consent, the distinct, throbbing swell on one side was a sensation he recognized intimately.

What followed was scarcely a matter of conscious will. Obeying an instinct ingrained across years of physical intimacy, Se-woong pressed his hips down and rubbed against the rigid swell. As he slowly rocked his pelvis back and forth, Shin tilted his head back against the sofa cushions, pressing a forearm over his brow.

“Haa… Cha Se-woong,” Shin groaned, his breath hitching.

“Let’s do it,” Se-woong urged, resting their foreheads together. “I want to, Shin-ah.”

Slipping his hand past the waistband of Shin’s sweatpants and boxer briefs in one fluid motion, Se-woong found the familiar contour without the slightest hesitation. A searing, rock-hard length immediately filled his palm. The sheer sensation of clutching his lover’s erection made Se-woong feel as though he might unravel on the spot.

It was precisely at that moment.

Snatching Se-woong’s wrist, Shin shoved him backward onto the sofa cushions, pinning him beneath his heavier frame. Without a shred of leniency, he forced Se-woong’s thighs apart. Seeing the pale skin exposed by the loose shorts, dark lust boiled violently in Shin’s eyes.

There was no need to weigh who craved this more; it was unquestionably Shin himself. He wanted to sink his teeth into every inch of visible flesh and thrust his aching length into that scorching, wet heat he knew so intimately. Se-woong surely wanted the exact same thing. Yet for Cha Se-woong, that physical release would be all he wanted.

Lovers who had shared a decade possessed an unspoken intuition. Right now, Se-woong was not seeking an exchange of devoted affection; he merely wanted to lose himself in a fleeting burst of pleasure using Shin’s body heat, just like in the old days.

Even knowing he’ll abandon me again come morning.

Gritting his teeth, Shin ground his hips ruthlessly between Se-woong’s thighs. Through the sheer fabric, he thrust his heavy erection against him with bruising, punishing pressure.

Arching his back in distress, Se-woong gasped, “Ah! Shin, wait! Not—not like this…”

“I’m not doing it. Not with you,” Shin retorted coldly.

Obstructed by layers of clothing, the frantic friction generated only muffled, jarring thuds—an act completely stripped of tenderness or sympathy.

Shin ground down harder. “I told you.”

A sharp gasp tore from Se-woong’s throat.

Shin wrenched away the forearm covering Se-woong’s face, revealing eyes wide and brimming with sheer terror.

“Halfway won’t cut it,” Shin growled, his voice guttural with fury, “completely.”

He drove his hips down once more, forcing the hard contour relentlessly between his parted thighs.

“Come back to me completely.”