Chapter 35

The moment Yuri held Cherriot’s cheek, Cherriot wrapped an arm around his waist. They clung together instantly, tilting their heads and kissing as if they had been waiting only for this moment. They bit and sucked, their tongues tangling with ravenous hunger. Cherriot’s saliva was sweet, just like his name.

Only when they had exchanged breath until they reached the edge of their limits did they pull back, gasping. Cherriot raised his fingers and scratched Yuri’s panting back. At the shiver that raced down his spine, Yuri tilted his chin back, and Cherriot set his teeth against Yuri’s Adam’s apple, leaving a dark, heated mark.

“Hh, ah…!”

At the sharp pleasure, Yuri gave a low gasp.

Cherriot held him, and as Yuri narrowed his eyes and twisted his jaw, Cherriot whispered, “What should I do for you?”

Yuri felt he knew the answer. Not knowing would have been easier. Cherriot’s body was clearly outlined beneath his soaked, clinging pants, and Yuri knew he was likely in a similar state. Because their lower bodies were almost touching, any movement of Cherriot’s hips would bring their hardened lengths into contact, and Yuri was certain Cherriot would be devastatingly good at that.

“You’re in the same state as me right now.”

Remembering all the explicit remarks Cherriot had tossed out like jokes, Yuri was sure of it. He usually treated an Alpha’s boasts as mere exaggeration, but Cherriot was different. This large, boyish man was unnecessarily honest; he likely said whatever entered his mind.

Because Yuri had never been aroused to this degree outside of his rut, Cherriot’s whisper shook him to his core. If a simple kiss made him feel like he was losing his mind, it was inevitable that some instinctive part of him would grow curious about what came after.

But…

A whirlwind of thoughts swirled in Yuri’s mind. The thought of becoming romantically involved with the man he was guarding threatened to undermine his duty. The undeniable fact that a person like Cherriot was incompatible with his own nature. Yet, it was the fear that held him back the most—the uncertainty of how his heart would react if they crossed that line. What if, while already following Cherriot’s every move, he found himself drawn to him physically as well?

“I think we’d definitely make good partners.”

What brought Yuri back to his senses was that single word. Partners. It neatly summarized their situation, making Yuri’s careful, anguished torment seem meaningless. He came sharply awake, as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him.

I see. Partners.

Whatever he had expected, some nameless bitterness brushed through him, and his body went cold. The lake water was drying in the wind, stealing his heat, and his temperature was falling. Every time the wind blew, his heart sank. Yuri lowered his eyes to look at the pretty face with its lips pressed to his neck. The lashes blinking there were almost hateful in how lovely they were.

“Let’s stop here.”

Yuri attempted to speak coldly, but it was challenging. Upon seeing Cherriot’s face, he couldn’t bring himself to be cruel.

“…What?”

Perhaps he had desired a deeper connection, as Cherriot looked up, eyes wide with surprise. Whether Yuri was disappointed wasn’t his concern, yet it bothered him. Struggling to maintain his gaze, Yuri straightened and pushed Cherriot away with measured force.

“This was a mistake. I made it clear from the beginning. I’m not interested in Alphas.”

Cherriot frowned, as if unable to comprehend the words. His white face, glistening with water under the sunlight, made him appear even more captivating.

“You’re not interested in Alphas, yet you kissed me?”

Hearing Cherriot state the fact so plainly made Yuri’s heart clench. How to describe it? It felt as if something that had happened in secret had been proclaimed as an undeniable fact. Surely Cherriot had experienced such moments dozens of times—compared to his long list of partners, this kiss was nothing. Still, the thought that it would remain in his memory gave Yuri a fleeting, painful comfort.

In any case, a man like me has no right to expect anything.

“That’s why I called it a mistake.”

Yuri gave a short nod and walked past him. As he headed toward where he had left his shirt and combat boots, Cherriot followed. Thinking him like a large, persistent dog, Yuri wiped the expression from his face.

How ridiculous.

Letting a self-mocking laugh pass inside, he looked back on how he had ended up in such a situation. How had he, who had lived his whole life taking it for granted that Alphas met Omegas, become swept up enough to kiss one? At first glance, this man had seemed so abrupt and light that Yuri had wondered if he was insane.

At what point had this uninvited guest, who stepped into my life without warning, begun to look this beautiful? Is it because I’m lonely?

That seemed unlikely.

Yuri had mercilessly cut off anyone who tried to approach him, and he had never regretted it. Cherriot should have been no more than another one of them.

So why…

“Yuri.”

Why, when this man called, did he end up looking back?

At the sound of his name, Yuri stopped. He couldn’t leave Cherriot behind, and ignoring that voice felt impossible. The frightened green eyes that had once whispered for Yuri to treat him gently, the clear smile he offered—they all passed through his mind, making him weak.

Slowly turning, Yuri tightened his mouth to keep his expression blank. He just needed to be himself. He needed the face that had always shown no interest in anything.

“Look at me.”

But the moment Yuri saw Cherriot’s wet face, his hardened expression softened. Though his blue eyes seemed cold at first glance, they looked only at Cherriot. His hearing, smell, and sight—all his senses were attuned only to him. His expression remained much the same as usual, but his heart was not. In front of Cherriot, it was impossible to act as he once had.

Yuri was confused by his own state, yet when he read the heat in Cherriot’s face, his concerns became useless. What had happened could not be changed. Unless time passed and he changed his mind, Yuri would no longer be able to cut Cherriot away.

“The second time isn’t a mistake.”

Cherriot’s expression was certain, but beneath his gaze, Yuri read the nervousness of a man afraid of being rejected. Knowing his own charm, Cherriot came forward boldly, yet this situation seemed entirely new to him. Watching Cherriot bite his lower lip, Yuri looked at him softly, then spoke after a silence.

“It is a mistake.”

Because it wasn’t true, there was no certainty in his voice, and Cherriot cut sharply into that gap.

“Then what’s that expression on your face?”

Without giving him a chance to retreat, Cherriot pressed him. He reached out, cupping Yuri’s cheeks with his large hands, and leaned in. The force holding his jaw, soft but strong, tilted Yuri’s chin upward. On the pale nape revealed by the motion, the red mark Cherriot had made earlier showed.

Finding the kiss mark, Cherriot’s heated eyes swept over the spot. His gaze rose again. Unlike usual, Yuri’s lips were wet with water and heat, tinged a reddish pink.

“You look like you want me. Anyone could see it.”

Cherriot moved his right hand and pressed Yuri’s lips firmly with his thumb. At the pressure, Yuri’s lashes flinched. Before he could think to call Cherriot insolent, the lush kiss from the lake flashed through his mind. Then he wanted to ignore all the principles he had built.

Perhaps because he had been soaked in water, Yuri still felt as if he were submerged. The fact that someone who had grown up loved could want someone like him felt unreal, and Cherriot’s pheromones, spreading like heat haze, made his head spin. It would certainly be intense. If he witnessed Cherriot’s private moments, if he became more deeply entangled, he felt as if a new world would unfold.

But Yuri had to consider the aftermath. Cherriot would soon leave, return to his original world, and fill the empty space with someone else. But Yuri’s world, after sending him away… would be fixed in place, unable to move forward or backward.

Yuri knew, to a sickening degree, how large the void left by love could be. He had no strength to endure the pain of his whole body twisting and his heart shattering again, as if he had been pushed from a cliff and slammed onto a dull floor. It would be easier to endure torture. Having his nails pulled out, having a knife dig into his flesh—that would be better than facing the moment of being left alone again.

So it was right to stop now, while he could still endure it.

“You are certainly beautiful, Cherriot.”

Meeting those ecstatic green eyes, Yuri admitted it honestly. Hearing his words, Cherriot’s ears flushed red. Yuri thought Cherriot’s body was as honest as its owner.

“Anyone who spent time with you would inevitably fall for you.”

“…What is this all of a sudden? Did you change strategies?”

Unlike before, when Yuri remained calm, Cherriot answered shyly. Apart from the embarrassment, the corners of his mouth lifted—he was pleased, and he was trying hard to hide it. It was lovely.

“But I have rules. I only deal with people similar to me.”

The corners of Cherriot’s mouth stiffened. He raised his brows and asked back, “What kind of rule is that?”

“Why? Didn’t you have rules too? I believe you said you don’t date, only keep partners.”

The words escaped without his permission. Yuri’s brow stiffened as he closed his mouth. Cherriot blinked as if struck, and the strength in his hands loosened, though he didn’t remove them. “I didn’t expect to hear that from you.” As Yuri stared into those eyes stained with bewilderment, Cherriot hurriedly added an explanation: “I mean, Wolfie is right. But I had reasons.”

Yuri had heard that many times before.

Cherriot was lovely, but it was easy to see how he had lived. It was an excuse often used by people who carried on only light relationships, especially young Alphas who had no shortage of anything. Yet, perhaps because Cherriot’s first impression had been such a disaster, Yuri wasn’t particularly disappointed. He only thought the sight of him flustered was cute.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“There is no particular reason not to.”

Apparently, that sounded like disbelief, because Cherriot rushed to explain,“It’s true. When I was young, because of family matters, I wasn’t in a state to date anyone. After that, my schedule was too busy with games and everything… and before I knew it, I only had partners.”

Perhaps realizing that even the explanation of being busy sounded like a typical excuse, Cherriot’s voice faded. He lowered his brows and drooped his shoulders like a dispirited puppy, then lowered his hands. When the heat left Yuri’s cheeks, a strong regret rose within him, but they couldn’t stand here forever.

Pushing the feeling aside, Yuri sighed. Cherriot seemed to misunderstand it as disappointment and added one more thing.

“But I’ve never truly wanted to date anyone.”

Because Cherriot called this out low, in a tense voice, Yuri was slightly surprised. He had meant to explain the boundary they had to keep, but it had somehow become an interrogation.

Silence circled between them. Yuri turned his gaze to scan the lakeshore, then looked back to meet Cherriot’s eyes. As if caught peeking, Cherriot flinched and lowered his gaze, so Yuri decided to settle it.

“In any case… I don’t play with fire. Even less with civilians like you.”

When Yuri emphasized the word civilian, Cherriot paused and looked at him. Yuri calmly met those confused green eyes.

“Yes. You’re a bad person. But the person I’ve seen before me doesn’t feel like that at all,” Cherriot whispered quietly.

It was not unpleasant to hear. As a child, Yuri Kiselyov had secretly hoped for someone to tell him he was not bad. But even if Yuri’s innate nature had been good, sin was sin. The god his parents had believed in said sins would be forgiven upon repentance, but Yuri did not want that. Yuri wanted men like Igor Volkov—who had painfully killed his mother and many others—to suffer even after death. So Yuri’s own sins could not be allowed to disappear either.

“I’ve done things you couldn’t even imagine.”

Perhaps that will let him guess. Perhaps he’ll hate me more than when he merely called me trash.

A frustration he hadn’t felt before stained his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to look Cherriot straight in the eyes.

“You should develop a better eye for people, Cherriot.”

Adding that ridiculous advice, Yuri forced himself to meet Cherriot’s eyes again. It was a sinner’s duty to face the gaze that condemned his sins, so he had to follow it. Just before he turned away, Yuri thought Cherriot might look at him with hatred, might wear the expression he had seen at the hotel.

But there was no hatred. Instead of taking Yuri’s side or comforting him, Cherriot let out a low sigh and stepped back. Stretching his long arms up and lacing his fingers, he turned toward the lake.

“All right.”

Cherriot’s voice was calm and plain, making it hard to read his emotions. Watching his profile as he stared at the lake, Yuri felt a longing to know what he was thinking. If he had often experienced this kind of thing, he might at least be able to guess, but right now there was nothing to judge.

Is he deeply disappointed in me? Is he so put off that he doesn’t even feel like getting angry?

Even though he had said those things to make Cherriot move away, Yuri became uneasy. To calm the impatience, he recalled his reality. He had to contact Alexei.

How was the infiltration going? Had he learned anything about the organization…

Realizing he had completely forgotten that, Yuri felt sorry for his friend. He was about to take out his phone when Cherriot walked closer. For an instant, Yuri thought he was coming back, but Cherriot passed him and headed toward the bag he had thrown aside earlier. A bizarre feeling of the ground dropping beneath his feet passed through Yuri. Perhaps he had grown too used to Cherriot pressing close beside him.

Realizing how pathetic he looked watching Cherriot’s back, Yuri mocked himself. Perhaps because he had endured rut or handled it with suppressants since coming to Vancouver, one kiss had apparently done something to his head.

Meanwhile, Cherriot picked up the bag and came back. His bare feet stepping through the grass made him seem like someone born in the forest, and Yuri found himself looking. Cherriot loosened the drawstring, took out a beach towel as long as his torso, and handed it to Yuri. Yuri hesitated, then accepted it. Cherriot wrinkled the bridge of his nose and smiled.

“I think I need to cool my body down, so let’s stay a little longer before we go. If you can wait, sit on that. There’s a lot of grass, so your clothes will get dirty.”

Yuri said nothing. His throat felt blocked, and he couldn’t make a sound. Leaving behind that unexpected consideration, Cherriot strode toward the water and jumped in without hesitation.

Splash.

The clean sound of friction spread in circles across the lake. Holding the towel, Yuri looked at the lake without thinking to unfold it. Watching with unnecessary anxiety, he saw Cherriot rise above the water after a short while. The droplets scattered through the air, falling again like rain.

When Cherriot met Yuri’s eyes, he stretched out a long arm and waved as if telling him not to worry, then cut through the vivid blue water and moved forward.

Yuri stared blankly, then lowered his head. Unlike Cherriot’s stylish outward taste, the towel was printed with cute animals wearing sunglasses and lying on a beach. Around a gray wolf dressed in a pink rabbit suit, white and brown rabbits were gathered adorably close.

When he stirred the faded print, which looked old with age, the fragrant smell of fabric softener rose, mixed with Cherriot’s pheromones. Yuri stroked with his fingertips the scent he felt he could never grow tired of, and sensed it for a long time.

The day was long.

The sky held a dazzlingly clear light, and the smell of the forest was cool.

Instead of spreading out the towel, Yuri placed it over his knees and watched the lake. For a long time, he kept in his eyes the sight of the reddish-blond man cutting easily through the water all alone.

So that even if he could never see him again, he would be able to remember this day.

For a very long time.

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